The Jerri Blank Chronicles

 

Guys, I realized today that when I start school in the fall, I will turn into Jerri Blank.  Before I get into that, let me tell you what my plans are.
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I suck/rule at life

Reason why I suck at life:

I just remembered NOW. 39 minutes into it starting. That I was invited to an informational meeting for a school I applied to. Specifically for a program I applied for that I do not know how it works and really could have USED and informational meeting for. Kristyn has to be at work at 11 so I remembered as she was pulling away. I actually RSVP’d that I was coming to this event. I actually marked it on my calendar and day planner. Then as Kristyn was leaving, a nagging feeling hit me like maybe there is something important I am supposed to do today. A quick check of the ol’ day planner lets me know I am a chucklehead. Coleen, you suck at life.

 

Reason why I rule at life:

This morning I bounded out of bed effortlessly and was in the kitchen making breakfast (bending, reaching, grabbing, doing) for about five minutes before I realized that I EFFORTLESSLY BOUNDED OUT OF BED AND WAS STANDING IN THE KITCHEN MAKING BREAKFAST. I’m healed! Man the past week was full of me slouching around like a 90 year old. There was a gutteral sound I had to make to do anything. Kind of like an “AAAAAAARGH!” Kristyn called it my “lifting weights” sound. Like I already said, my back was hella sore in the morning and today? Just bounded out of bed and made breakfast with ease. I feel like goddamn Cinderella (not the wenchy one, the princesa one). Kristyn gave me a hug and then a high five and said, “Way to heal!” I think that says it. Also, I think, “Coleen you rule at life” also says it.

On the Road, Day Five, SD & NE, part five

Okay, I’ve slacked on telling you the rest of this day. Here are parts
One
Two
Three
Four

 

Once we left Wall Drug and the Badlands, we had to kind of figure out where we were going to go next.  This many stops in one day was kind of unheard of for us because we liked to keep cruising.  BUT we were kind of ahead of schedule and there was a lot to see over here.  We didn’t have to be anywhere particular until September 8th (tell you why later) and from checking the map, we had more than enough time to get there AND take a look around.

We happened to be in the area of another major destination and we didn’t expect the town surrounding to be so populated and touristy.  It was so cute though.

Here is where we went!  This is our first sight of Mount Rushmore from the highway.  It’s mesmerizing.

I don’t know if it’s our city showing but we were kind of dumbfounded to find this place teeming with people.  I guess it’s because you always see a picture of this quiet mountain with it’s carved Presidents so stern and majestic.  I certainly wasn’t expecting this:

But that’s silly because this is obviously a tourist destination and not a desolate forest area haha.

Anyway, it also turns out you have to pay to get in but you can only pay cash.  (WTF.)  We didn’t have any so the nice man just let us in for some reason.  It’s good to be an American?

Here is sort of a close up shot of Mount Rushmore.  Can you even imagine that someone painstakingly DID that?

I mean look at that detail?!  How can you even tell if you’re doing a good job?

Here is Kristyn doing an obligatory pose in front of Mount Rushmore, natch. Isn’t she the cutest?

And here’s my fathead posing with our Nation’s forefathers.

I’ve included a picture of the soda machine at Mount Rushmore for two reasons:

1) It made me giggle at the time.

2) I figured it’s kind of a curiosity.  I feel like it’s akin to wearing a tshirt with your own picture on it (which I have done before and totally do not judge as a life choice).

After that, we drove into Nebraska.  We wanted to cover as much ground as possible to keep on track, especially since we took so much time sightseeing.  In reality, we probably only took about an hour or so sightseeing total but we DID take a detour to get to Mount Rushmore.

Oh AND, remember how I told you that I would tell you something about Buffalo?  We saw one REALLY up close.  We got kind of lost in the woods around Mount Rushmore and ended up on sort of a rural road.  We didn’t see the Buffalo until we were right up upon it.  It was standing on the left side of the road.  A motorcyclist passed within three feet of it and swerved screaming.  We did the same.  The reasons for swerving and screaming around the Buffalo are:

1) They are like six feet tall (at least in my mind they are) and like HUNDREDS OF POUNDS.

2) Therefore they can probably kill you with their MIND if they want to.

3) There are hysterical signs everywhere warning you about your life expectancy should you encounter and piss off a Buffalo.

4) These hysterical signs tell you that in no uncertain terms, you are on Buffalo Property and if you do something to make them kill you, you are on your goddamn own because you have been warned.

That being said, ENTERING NEBRASKA!

See that sign above and the one below?  That’s Nebraska.  Open fields and flat land everywhere.  Nothing around.  Well at least where we were.  We kind of goofed and took what we thought was a highway (and was according to our maps).  It was actually like a SERIOUSLY RURAL AND DESOLATE country road.  Never. Doing. That. Again.  So terrifying.  When I say there was nothing, there was NOTHING.  No houses, no gas stations, no phones…just empty fields.  Now here’s the predicament:

1) The sun is going down.

2) We don’t know where we are.

3) Will we have enough gas to get to wherever it is we’re going? (a side note: we tried to set up hotels in advance but it logistically didn’t work because we could plan to get somewhere in time but what if we didn’t make it and ended up paying for the night in that hotel because we couldn’t cancel until the last minute?)

4) We’re in a rural area so our phones have dropped cellular and internet service.

We were really scared and pretty screwed.  We, for some reason, thought we were getting on a highway that was a more direct route to “somewhere”.  Because in NJ, when you turn off a major artery like the Parkway, there are always a lot of populated alternative routes to drive on.  BIG MISTAKE.  HUGE.

On this road you see below?  We saw a town that you could actually SEE COMING.  A cluster of houses with a sign that told you the population.  The population?  18.  Yes 18.  18 people.  And honestly I doubt that shit.  It was so abandoned looking.  And like Christine pointed out, you KNOW every single one of those bastards probably owns a gun.

But that isn’t even the crazy thing.  The crazy thing is that we came upon another town.  It had a sign that read “Population 1”.  I didn’t take a picture because I didn’t want to stick around.  I’m not trying to be city-dweller biased against country dwellers because I grew up spending my summers in Upstate NY where it is pretty damn rural.  I have nothing but love for the rural life.  But Population 1 just chills a bitch to the bone.  You KNOW that if a town has one person in it and they advertise it as such, it is because that person WANTS it that way.  Motion is not denied.

We eventually came upon a really cute little town that was not freaky at all. I guess they considered themselves a city because the rates for the hotels were outrageous for such a backwater. I could spend the same and get a cheap room in LA or NYC. But we found a clean place that I cannot for the life of me find pictures of. Shame too because it was one of our better rooms. It had a motel door opening but the room itself was gorg. The animals loved it and it was so comfortable. We were so tired and so hungry and full of adrenaline for being scared for so long that we were just excited to get the funk out of the car. We went across the street and got subs from Subway and housed them. We called our parents and siblings and friends to tell them we were definitely not dead. We gave the cats baths and clipped their nails after days of sweating in the car. We figured they would probably appreciate it once it was overwith and we were right. Everyone was snug as a bug in a rug and we were just happy not to be stuck on the side of the road in the dark.

Day Fifteen

This one’s gonna be a quickie for two reasons:

1) Not much happened today. I went grocery shopping and ate minestrone. Kristyn went to work and ate veggie sausage. Good day in that it was, on a whole, unremarkable and therefore nondramatic which is how he likes it. “This is how he likes it. This is how he wears it.”

2) We are in bed and about to pass out. Kristyn, I think, has already gone to the land of nod without a bitch. She passed out in the car on the way home. (I picked her up from work.)

Okay that’s it. G’nite!

Here I am posing with a gorgeous photo of Betty White from the calendar Christine gave us. Kristyn said I look like a chola and she isn’t wrong. Hey if there is a place to look like a chola, right here is it as we are like two seconds from Echo Park. Just call me Giggles.

And here is Kristyn already willing herself back to sleep. She has to go to her internship in the morning and has been sleepy for a while now as it is.

Okay, for serious…goodnight!

Day Fourteen

Well, I didn’t get to see Billy Idol OR Tommy Lee. I DID get to take red carpet photos though, mostly of the cast of Cirque Berserk. The biggest celebs that I got to shoot were Danny Masterson and Bijou Phillips. The show itself was really great. I’m going to write the review and link it tomorrow. For now, I’m beat. Here I am taking a picture of myself in front of the red carpet like a nerd. I wasn’t the only press person doing this thankfully haha.

Kristyn, as it turns out, had a much worse day than I did because she had a dog poop on her at work. She actually changed her clothes (she keeps a spare in her locker) and washed them in a washer/dryer. She changed back into them and like an hour later another dog peed all down the front of her. She actually had to change AGAIN and rewash and redry her scrubs again. If you recall we just did laundry on Monday haha.

Anyway, she took a quick shower the minute we got in. Kristyn wins for bad day and I win the pouter of the year award considering I bitched about my day but got to take red carpet pictures of Danny Masterson while Kristyn was repeatedly getting voided on. I’m an idiot (and a jerk).

Moldy Avocado

I have an avocado in my lazy susan that is just sitting there. It was purchased before Christmas. At the time it wasn’t quite ripe enough. I bought it anyway because I LOVE avocados and can eat them for breakfast, lunch and dinner (and DO). It came in a pack of four and I kept opening them hoping that NOW they’d be ripe enough but sadly each one was worse than the last. This last avocado has been sitting there waiting to reach it’s peak but somewhere between Christmas, New Year’s and now, it has gone bad. And still it sits there because I willfully ignore it, sad for a missed opportunity and loathe to make the decision to put it out of it’s misery.

The avocado is an apt metaphor for my life right now. I just got the “thanks but no thanks” letter I’ve been dreading about a job I wanted. I can’t help but feel like the longer I sit on a shelf gathering mold and dust, the less valuable I am. It feels like my expiration date on this particular shelf has long gone by. I really can’t take anymore rejection. Right now, right in this second, I just want to go home.

The funny thing about LA is though that in an hour, I am going to be shooting photos of Billy Idol and Tommy Lee on the red carpet for the opening of Cirque Berserk at the Staples Center. Highs and lows up in this bitch and while excitement is great, I can’t seem to get anybody but the state of California to cross my palm with a dollar bill. It’s. Really. Seriously. Getting. Old.

Maybe I’ll take my 365 Face Project with the red carpet behind me. That might perk me up.

* Also no judging on the Halloween placemats I’ve put down for the cats. I totally forgot to switch them out and never really notice them. I’m usually a lot more picky about these things but can’t seem to muster the strength to be.

Day Thirteen

Here we are! We took a break from Harry Potter Lego to take these pictures. The outtakes are hilarious but they involve my lazy eyes and double chin so we shan’t speaketh of them anymore!

Without any further ado, I give you “The Girls”!*:

* We are always referred to as “the girls” by people and it makes us chuckle and therefore we refer to ourselves as “the girls”. We usually high five whenever anyone calls us that for the first time too.

Day Twelve

We went to the Laundromat today, an warshed our cat-hair-covered clothes. We also went to a “NY Style” Pizzaria and had vegan slices. Good but mushy and not the best I’ve had but points for trying with the vegan cheese! When we got home, we put the clothes away, cleaned up after the tree and cats and are now chilling. There will be nachos. Here we are, toiling at the laundromat:

AND look at Kristyn’s sweatshirt!!! Who do you spy?!

Day Eleven

I took down the Christmas Tree today. The neighbors must think we’re crazy because we put a bunch of empty boxes in the courtyard last night and now I added a tree to that mess. And our tree came with a disposable stand so it’s just standing there in the middle of everything. I swept up some of the needles but I’m not allowed to use the vacuum so I’ll have to wait for Kristyn to suck them up tomorrow. I’m not allowed to use the vacuum because it ALWAYS stops working when I use it. Electronic stuff always goes bananas around me for some reason. Maybe my brain is too chaotic or something haha. Also I’m going to wait until Kristyn gets home to put the tree in the trash. I need the bottom though because my friend Don Donaldson inspired me to make my own dress form! Coming soon to a bedroom near you.

I’m also cleaning out our bedroom closet. Right now I’m on a break from it. I’m trying to pack some stuff because we want to move within the next few months. I also need to go through all of my clothes and get rid of some crap I’ve been holding onto and use other stuff that got buried.

I watched the beginning of season six of Buffy today and now I’m watching the first Rocky while I clean. Oh! The episode of Desperate Housewives I was (supposed to be) on aired tonight. I didn’t see it but I got cut. Ah well, next time!

One last thing, I’m sorry for how mundane these daily posts are but I realized that if I blog what I did each day with my post, I’ll know exactly what I did for every day of the year for at least one year of my life. Watch this be the most boring year of my life haha.

Anyway, here’s Kristyn, Day Seven!!!

Day Ten

I am not really feeling well today. I wrote up a list of to-do’s and then sat at my computer all day watching the Jersey Shore. I did feed the animals, straighten up, shower, cleaned out my makeup bag (loooooong overdue, especially since I accidentally dumped an entire container of powder into it by accident last week) and organized my purse. I also printed out an important document and started filling it out. *sigh* I just didn’t do the things I really wanted to do and so now I feel like a slacker. I always feel like if I had ONE place to organize all of my thoughts, I’d be better off. In case you haven’t noticed, I like to write stuff down and keep track of things. I carry two notebooks with me wherever I go. One is for notes and general info. I use it whenever I need to write down a phone number or write down a confirmation number or just anything really. It’s REALLY insanely helpful. The other one is a book of to do lists. This one is really helpful too. The PROBLEM with this one is that there isn’t a calendar in there to write stuff down for future dates. I really need a planner. I was going a thousand miles a minute before Christmas when all the jobs dried up. No one is in the office in this industry between Christmas and New Year’s. And I know from my experience both in entertainment and publishing that the first week back is basically for catching up. So no interviews and nowhere to go which makes me feel like I’m still on vacation (though I am applying to what jobs are posted). This would be find if I had nothing to do but I HAVE things to do and deadlines for things that I’m not on top of because for all intents and purposes, I have no sense of time since I have nowhere to be ever. It sounds like fun but it’s mostly a guilt spiral because I can never relax because there is always something I SHOULD be doing but just can’t seem to get myself to do. I need some kind of structure. On top of the notes book and the to do list book, I keep a goals book. I don’t write in this every day. I write in it like every other month or so, sometimes more or less frequently. Well actually I read my goals, date the ones I’ve achieved, cancel the ones I don’t care about anymore or add notes about progress where necessary. THEN I write my goals down. It’s just a way of keeping track of what I want in my life, both short and long-term. I just had ANOTHER idea for notebook a little while ago though. I need to start an inspiration journal that’s just filled with creative ideas. I have a LOT of creative projects always going on. Some get abandoned because I come up with something else I want to pursue. It’s hard to keep track. I think this one would be good because it would be just fun. Either write lists of inspirations or sketch ideas. I had been kicking the idea of keeping an art journal around but I know it’s something I won’t keep up with. I think making an inspiration journal kind of rounds that idea out a bit. Anyway, I gotta go do some stuff and I’m babbling anyway.

P.S. It’s a few hours later and Kristyn got home, let me talk her ear off, helped me straighten up some and then fell asleep on the couch. I’m watching the last episode of Buffy where things come to a head with Glory. Without any further ado, here is Kristyn’s sleepyhead.