Charles

Charles

We lost Charles on Monday, November 27, 2017. I don’t want to write too much about it because I don’t want to get myself upset. His passed away suddenly but naturally without fear or pain. We have all gotten signs from him that he’s okay where he is and I genuinely believe that to be true. It’s hard to believe it but it’s true. I can’t talk about it now. I keep starting and stopping from saying things because it hurts my chest to think about. I am thinking about him all the time and everything is reminding me of him. Mostly, that’s been good but sometimes I get the wind knocked out of me by a simple thought and start crying. I’ve been letting myself lean into however I’m feeling about it. This being the holiday season, there are a lot of feelings and distractions and fun things. We went to a medium the week after his services who said that Charles was fine, didn’t want us to be upset, and that if we knew where he was, we wouldn’t feel sad; we’d be jealous. That thought comforts me. I have to stop writing about this now. I just wanted to write something small about it to mark it on this blog because this blog has served as a sort of public diary for almost ten years. I always intend to write more on here and hope to going forward but I definitely couldn’t do it without mentioning my brother, Charles. I love him and miss him very much. My life was better for having him here and I hate that this is all the time we had. I’m crying now and my chest hurts so I’m going to stop.

Just Keep Livin

Jen Kirkman - Just Keep Livin

I need to take a page out of Jen Kirkman’s book and “Just Keep Livin”. I’ve been watching her Instagram stories lately which are road diaries because she’s on tour. Largely, it’s complaining about how not enough people are paying attention to her newsletter but it makes me laugh. She’s forthright, cranky, knows herself, and has great confidence. Mostly, I love how self-possessed and direct she is. I’m going to make her my patron saint for now.

I haven’t written here for a while because I have been hedging as to whether or not I want to keep this blog going or start a new one. I think I’m going to keep this one going. It’s been going since 2007, why stop now?

A Great Weekend in Pictures

I’m not feeling well today so I’m home sick but I did have a great weekend that I want to share anyway. I haven’t blogged in a while and since this weekend was a humdinger, I figured that posting my pictures her might be fun.

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We went to see Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers with Joe Walsh at the Prudential Center in Newark courtesy of my company.

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We took this picture outside the concert waiting for the taxi.

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I took this in Target on Saturday because obvi…La Croix.

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Kristyn waiting patiently to eat ice cream cake flavored ice cream on Saturday night.

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On Sunday, we went to see a double feature of “Rough Night” and “Wonder Woman”.

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At B&N, we took a picture with our gal pal Rachel.

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A shelf full of “Murder She Wrote” books.

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Kristyn with the huge soda wall at AMC.

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Kristyn with her “Rough Night” pals.

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Me with my “Rough Night” pals.

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Me and Ilana.

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Me and Kate.

Lucy and Ethel

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We went to see Tim Stewart-Winter perform in the NYC Gay Men’s Chorus and it was a gahdamn delight!

I haven’t felt like blogging lately because I don’t just want to blog about my day to day life. I don’t want to just sit down and blurt out everything that’s happened to me over the past whatever amount of time it’s been since the last time I wrote.

I need to come up with a plan that’s as fun to write as it might be for anyone else to read. Coming soon to a blog near you. See ya in two years!
 
P.S. I called this post “Lucy and Ethel” because I just binge-watched every episode of I Love Lucy that was in Hulu. They don’t have every episode so I’m going to start over with the DVD collection and fill in the gaps.

Weekend & Witchery

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Pals, I’m feeling a bit better. I had a decent week. I think I’m through brooding (for now). The weather is lightening up too. It’s been springlike the last few days and that always makes me feel better. Maybe I have Seasonal Affective Disorder; who knows.

On Friday night, we went to Allison’s to hang. We had Chinese food and did a spell at midnight with the rest of the internet’s witches to bind Tr*mp from doing any harm. It was pretty fun.

On Saturday, we lazed about all day and then took Shirley to the dog park in Lyndhurst. It was heaven to watch her run around with all the other doggies. It was so nice out too. When she started getting tired, we took her to the pet store to pick up some cat and dog food. We also bought her two Nylabones; one that is purple and shaped like an ice cream cone and the other one that looks like a pork chop. Then we went to the hardware store next door and bought a shovel and an overflow plate for the tub. Kristyn’s YouTubing her way to becoming a first rate plumber. THEN we did a weird thing. Because I wanted to stay out but in the car (because it was supposed to rain), I suggested that we go through the Burger King drive-thru so we could eat fries and feed the birdies that hang there. It started to pour while we were sitting there and it was so nice in the car that we laid back and took a nap. Did I mention that we were just around the corner from our own house? Haha. It was fun. When we got home, we drank blush champagne and watched a documentary about the Loving family. Then we started watching 4 Little Girls and I fell asleep against my own will.

Today, I was supposed to go to an open house for an MA program I’m interested in but I got the times mixed up and ended up staying home. It’s nice though because Kristyn’s parents stopped over and brought us rolls from Brother’s. I’ve been watching I Love Lucy all day which is fun. I think I’m going to draw or sew today and then watch the Oscars tonight.

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Impotent

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Image borrowed from here.

Pals. I feel stuck. Impotent. Frustrated. Let down. Deflated. Uninspired. Without a goal. I’ve had a setback and I honestly 100% do not know what to do. I am always looking at the future and trying to think of where I want to go but right now it’s in overdrive. Ugh, I’m so impotent right now that I don’t even know what I want to say about this. I’m writing this as catharsis and I feel like I can’t spit out what I want to say.

I have a sticker that says “Be the Leslie Knope of Whatever You Do” on my laptop. It’s a daily reminder to me to care, to do, to perfect, to systematize, to be a force of good. I’ve recently been re-watching Parks and Rec and have been really inspired by Leslie. That inspiration has been completely deflated and I don’t know what to do.

I’m sorry for posting such a bummer post but it is what it is.

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Image borrowed from here.

I think that my focus has been all wrong. I think that maybe I’ve forgotten that friends and waffles are what’s important in life and that “work has to come third”.

That Man fires Acting Attorney General over Muslim Ban

That Man fired US Acting Attorney General Sally Q. Yates today because she made a public statement about the “travel ban” aka Muslim ban:

“At present, I am not convinced that the defense of the Executive Order is consistent with these responsibilities nor am I convinced that the Executive Order is lawful,” Yates wrote. She wrote that “for as long as I am the Acting Attorney General, the Department of Justice will not present arguments in defense of the Executive Order, unless and until I become convinced that it is appropriate to do so.”

For posterity (because I know I’ll forget), this past Friday, he wrote an executive order banning people from Iraq, Iran, Libya, Somalia, Sudan, Syria, and Yemen from entering the country (even if they have green cards or are dual citizens). The Acting Attorney General wrote the above statement to the Justice Department in order to tell them that they didn’t have to defend the order.

Sources:

NY Times

The Washington Post

Fox News

CNN

MSNBC

 

What are we gonna do?

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“I’m terrific at estimating crowd size. It looks like a dozen, maybe two dozen women at most.” By Tom Toro in the New Yorker

Pals, I feel very frustrated. I think a lot of people do. Too many things are happening way too fast for anyone to keep track of. I have been thinking that I am going to start keeping track of what’s going on in the world. I’m going to start keeping track of what I’m doing to combat it and what I’m NOT doing. I’m going to start keeping track of ways that other people can help the world. I am learning that  I am a visual thinker and in order for me to keep track of things, I need to be able to see them. Although this has always been a personal blog, and will remain one, I think that doing this will make me feel a lot better. I always feel better with a plan; even if I stray from the plan.

Also, here are some pictures of us at the Women’s March in DC last weekend:

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Curvy Yoga and Some Fun Stuff

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We’ve been having a few good/weird weeks. The above picture is us on Thanksgiving before we were going to go home. On that particular day, someone in my town created a petition to change our town’s holiday tree lighting to the “Christmas Tree Lighting”. It was some petty “War on Christmas” crap and it irked me so I created a counter-petition  using their exact words. Holy crap that started a town wide FB fight that lasted two full weeks but a few good things came out of it:

1) We attended the tree lighting and it was beautiful! I’m so glad we went. They had kids from the schools singing, dancers, a talent contest, and then a little street fair. I’m going to go every year from now on! Meanwhile, the original petitioner or her cronies didn’t even go.

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2) We ended up going to the Town Hall Meeting after the event and addressing the Mayor and Town Council to ask whether or not a petition could change the tree lighting even to favor one religion over another. The answer is no. The reason it’s called a “Holiday Tree Lighting” or “Town Tree Lighting” is because the tree is considered a secular symbol, then there’s a manger, and a menorah. We’d been meaning to start attending Town Hall Meetings anyway so this whole thing actually is making me a better citizen!

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Also, we went to go see White Christmas in Montclair last weekend on the big screen. It was gorgeous. God, I love that movie. I think I might love Holiday Inn better (except that scene, you know which one).

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This weekend we kept a pretty low profile. We ran some errands and today Kristyn went over her brother’s house. I’m doing things around the house this weekend. I’m decorating, cleaning, and cooking. It snowed for the first legit time today. I also made weird pumpkin, peanut butter, dark chocolate cookies. They’re good in a really weird way. I also finally did Curvy Yoga! It felt so good. I had better GTFO. There’s a lot to do before this day is out.

Also, I’m going to start updating more here. I have just been very very sidelined. As per usual, I’m giving myself too many projects. I wrote them all out and I’m flabbergasted with my own optimism.

A Great Weekend

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This movie was awesome.

I think we’ve been being way too precious about our time. Because we’re busy, we tend to feel like we need a lot of time at home to “rest” or that our only way to be “productive” is to be at home. This leaves us feeling frustrated and stagnant a lot of the time. This weekend, we were pretty busy and it felt good. On Saturday, Kristyn did an interview, stopped by a party, and picked me up so we could go out. We went to dinner at The Stack, then to see Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, bought some champagne, and then watched the fourth Harry Potter movie. Busy day!

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I forced Kristyn to take this picture. You can see the excitement in her eyes.

 

It felt really great to get out of the house and do stuff. If we’d made a big deal out of going to the movies or like “planned” to go to the movies, we would have dragged our feet all day long and wouldn’t have gone. Instead, we just said, “Do you wanna go?” and went. We have problems. Life should be simpler for two adults with no kids haha.

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Powered by The New School and Sunday morning delirium.

This morning, I wasn’t sure if I was going to go to the New School’s Grad Expo or not. Both Kristyn and I happened to fully wake up at like 6am though so we figured that we might as well just do it. We got ready, went to Bagel Bistro to have onion bagels with scallion cream cheese, and then drove into the city. We got street parking which was nice. It was absolutely frigid outside; so windy and downright cold. It was surprising.

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Here we are in the auditorium.

I’m glad we went. The day was inspiring and showed me that it’s the kind of place that would be in line with what I’m looking for. I’m stunned by how beautiful the school is. I have a lot of thinking to do about it. While I was paying attention in this seminar, Kristyn wrote a proposal for Queer Newark. Win win.

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This intro seminar was particularly interesting to me.

After that, we went to eat at Umami Burger and had portobello mushroom sandwiches and truffle fries. We came home and I intended to go right back out again but instead I fell asleep for three hours. While I was napping, Kristyn wrote a personal statement for a college application. Win win.

After we got up, we ate dinner and then drove to Whole Foods in West Orange. We make an annual pilgrimage to that Whole Foods because we need to pick up a Tofurkey and mushroom gravy. We always end up buying a ton of weird stuff we don’t need but seems entirely relevant at the time when we’re there. For example: I bought three bars of organic, vegan soap (two almond and one eucalyptus), a bottle of essential oils (Himalayan musk), organic shampoo, conditioner, and body lotion (Meyer Lemon scented), gluten-free cookies (peanut butter ones and ginger ones), two cases of La Croix (coconut and lemon), and a bunch of other decadent things we did not need but hurt so good when it came time to pay. Oh also, Kristyn bought a llama stuffed animal that she is naming “Meemaw”. We do have our fun.