Day One Hundred and Three

This picture is a cheat because I took just now instead of yesterday. I am EXHAUSTED! When you look at this picture, have that song “Isn’t She Lovely?” running through your head. This way you’ll hate me for that rather than for having to look at this picture. You’re welcome!

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Okay time to start the day! *dragging feet*

Uh Oh

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My back just spasmed and it hurts a LOT. It’s nowhere near as bad as the last one though thank gawd. I just limped slowly into the bathroom, took an old Skelaxin, 800mg of Ibuprofin and slathered IcyHot on THICK.

The IcyHot is making Elvira into a basketcase. She loves “smells”. Makeup, shampoo, lotion, body powder, nail polish and…I guess IcyHot. It’s like catnip for her. She starts rolling around, rubbing herself on things and drooling. It’s adorable and weird. And my catnip is starting to work too. Haha. *zone out*

Day Eighty-five

I AM EXHAUSTED. So I’ll give it to you quick and dirty. Here I am taking surreptitious photos of myself at my desk.

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Here is Kristyn on the bus just minutes after suddenly and violently puking into a bag.

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Here is the bag.

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Kristyn was stunned by this development obviously. And worse, it wasn’t just the type of thing where you cough up a quick hairball. No there was heaving. It was a full on yak and it was in a bus. Poor Krissy. We’re both feeling yakkish, maybe it’s something we ate?

Anyway gotta to to sleep. But let me say that although I am SO TIRED, it is REALLY nice to be making myself useful in the workforce again even if it is only a few month gig. Okay g’nite for realsies.

Raunchy Oprah

There's no part of this picture I don't love.

Lately I’ve been having really vivid dreams. Last night I had this really long dream where I went to a garage sale in someone’s house. I went to buy two dresses and the family that was running the sale was really cool and friendly. The dresses were really pretty vintage dresses from the 60’s and about my size. One had a little stain on it. When I went to pay, the woman kind of wouldn’t let me leave. She wouldn’t let me pay and took one of the dresses from me. I said, “Fine if you don’t want to sell it, that’s cool, just let me pay for the other one.” She took my money but held onto one of the dresses and wouldn’t give me change. I had to get out of there because I needed to go to work. I had intended to go to the garage sale, come home, shower and then go to work. It was already past the time I was supposed to be at work, so I was like, “Fine I’m going.” Then she gave me the dress and I left.

I guess I didn’t care about my job because I decided to keep shopping. I walked down a main drag which I think was Kearny Ave and went into a shop. Inside there were all these 60’s Go Go dancers and it was decorated like Laugh In inside. It was a furniture store. It was pretty cool in there so I decided to look for bedsheets. When I got to that section, Oprah was there hosting some kind of event sale. She started talking to me and was REAL raunchy. Talking about how she always has safe sex and kind of just being the Oprah you NEVER get to see. I was so riveted but still kind of distractedly looking for bedsheets. Midway through talking to her, I realized that I knew she was gonna be there because I WORKED there. Her sleeve came up a little and she had a tattoo on her forearm. That was when my boss came up. I guess he forgot I had to work OR thought I was there to work OR was caught up in the excitement of Raunchy Oprah being there because he didn’t seem to notice or care that I’d mistakenly blown off my shift. I was trying to figure out what to do next when Kristyn bellowed:

COLEEN!!!!! WAKE!!!!! UP!!!!!

Then I told her the entire convoluted story and she barely pretended to pay attention though she’s told me some whoppers of convoluted stories in the past. Haha.

Anyway, here is my favorite YouTube Oprah video. This shit never gets old for me. Also, how do you work for OWN? I want to work for Oprah.

The Jerri Blank Chronicles

 

Guys, I realized today that when I start school in the fall, I will turn into Jerri Blank.  Before I get into that, let me tell you what my plans are.
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Know what I did last night?

Last night we went to the supermarket after I picked Krissy up from work to pick up some cat food etc. I was in a cookie mood but also totally irresponsibly indecisive. I agonized over my cookie choices until Kristyn said, “THEN DON’T GET ANY!” (To be honest this was after me dramatically -and rhetorically- wailing, “Maybe I don’t even WANT cookies!!!” FYI, I don’t ever not want cookies.) So I said, “OMG YOU’D DO THAT TO ME?!” At this point she turned on her heel and shuffled out of the cookie aisle.

An hour and forty-five minutes later (give or take an hour and forty minutes) she came back and found me lying on the ground holding two packages of Mother’s cookies, one Macaroon and the other Chocolate Chip and staring soberly into space. (An aside: If you live in California, it is considered a hate crime if you don’t immediately shout out “MOTHER’S COOKIES!!!” when asked what your favorite cookie is. Fact.)

So Kristyn played some head games with me trying to suss out which one I wanted more. (Another aside: I don’t even like chocolate chip cookies, I just WANTED them. I DO however like macaroons a LOT and therefore didn’t want to buy them. This would make a lot more sense if we were all PMSing.)

So what happened next was a choose your own adventure type mystery without any of the choice and all of the mystery. Kristyn told me she was gonna choose FOR me. This made me happy and I decided to walk away so as not to interfere with her choice. I set off in a brisk clip toward the register and looked anywhere but at the groceries. I wouldn’t even rest my eyes on the computer as he was ringing stuff up. I carried the groceries out but swore not to even look at the bags lest I see through it to the package of cookies. We drove home and I decided to take it to another level. With my eyes closed I tried to find the cookies on the table. Unfortunately I was rummaging around in the wrong bag and I had to peek to find the right one. When I did, I closed my eyes, took out the package and held my breath (for fear I’d smell the answer). I put one in my mouth AND…

To read the rest of this click the jump.

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Day Thirty-five

Made some decisions today, yes I did. Decided to live more in the here and now. Made me feel instantly better. Yes I had to make a craft project to support this victory. What is a victory without celebratory crafting? See below.

Here is Kristyn preparing for something awesome/major that I will die if it doesn’t happen. DIE I tell you. Also thanks to WordPress’ awesome app the picture of Kristyn won’t come up. Turns out WordPress has beef with Kristyn. Who knew? Also, I’m on her side. Again, I’ll fix it tomorrow. *sigh*

BOOM. Fixed.

Reminder to keep my head in the present and appreciate what I have. And no this is not a slight on the state of NJ. I’ll cut bitches who slight NJ. Because I’m from NJ. And that’s how we do.

Also, I’ve made a Tumblr. If you want to know what it is, you have to ask me.

Day Thirty-two

I knew I was gonna forget to post this before I went to sleep last night and I did like a dummy.

Yesterday was a much better day. I got out of the house for a bit and went to Amoeba to get a replacement needle for our record player. Turns out they were out of stock. It was refreshing to be outside though and to drive around LA. I haven’t been outside of the house for a while.

Here I am looking blotchy bc I had probably just been picking at my face. I’m awesome what can you say?

And I forgot to take a picture of Lil Krissy yesterday so here’s one from just a second ago. Isn’t she lovely?

This picture is kind of dark but man was it nice to see those palm trees?

Also we are not in my sister’s wedding anymore. It’s not what we wanted and are upset about it. I don’t want to talk about it but I don’t want there to be any whispering about it either. So you heard it here first. It’s a shitty situation but it’s one can’t be resolved. It just is what it is and we wish them the absolute best!

November 1, SoCal Style

I wish there was a way to figure out who keeps doing this…

A clue…a name…anything to get to the bottom of this unsolvable mystery!

Actually the bandit pointed out her folly. She actually proudly pointed to her masterwork and said, “Look what I did now!”

She really knows how to cheer a gal up. *HUG!*