Little stinker

The little stinker is me, you guys. I saw my doc yesterday and am now going to go back on medical leave through the end of the year. On one hand, I’m glad for it because I am not myself and I need to get well. On the other hand, I feel so guilty and sad. However, THAT’S the kind of thing that won’t serve the first hand so I gotta get past that.

This time on leave, I think I’ll need to try to do some things that help me feel accomplished because I think it’ll help me; mind, body, and soul. I have to straighten up that front room because it’s been a mess all year and straightening that up will be good for my mind and body. I have to sell some things because we have way too much stuff and getting rid of the clutter will be good for my mind. I need to make some things because it’s good for my soul. I need to exercise and take Shirley for walks because it’s good for my body (and hers).

I know that cynical people will criticize the fact that this is happening over the holiday season. This can’t be helped. Honestly, it would be nicer if it happened during the summer because then I could go convalesce at the trailer. I relax way more up there because there’s less to clean and to do. However, I do love the holiday season so I’m going to lean into joy. We do have a few things planned:

  1. We’re going to Kristyn’s parent’s house for Thanksgiving.
  2. We’re going to pick up Grandma on Black Friday to drive her home.
  3. We’re going to hang with Randy on Black Friday to buy some gifties and go to the movies.
  4. We’re going to our niece’s play.
  5. We’re going to the Great Wolf Lodge for our nephew’s birthday for the night.
  6. We’re going to Kristyn’s Aunt’s house for Christmas Eve and to my Aunt and Uncle’s house for Christmas Day.

Other than that, I’m sure I’ll be decorating, cleaning, and trying to get as healthy as possible during this time. Hopefully I can read some books. I couldn’t do that the first time I went on leave. I just couldn’t focus on anything. I can’t now either so I hope that changes. Also, I say I’m going to do all of the above but lethargy is something I’m having trouble with. I say I’m going to do all of the above with the conviction that I don’t want my health to get in the way. I hope to do the above to build my strength or because I WAS able to build it. We’ll see I suppose.

What I know I WILL definitely do is get in my protein, liquids, vitamins, shower, and dance lightly to the Dick Van Dyke Show (until I run out of episodes and then it’s onto something else).

Holidaze

Palaroonies, I’ve got a lot on my mind lately but one big, bright spot is the fact that it’s the holiday season. Thanksgiving and Christmas are a wee bit tarnished (in some respects) by the fact that Charles had to up and kick off this mortal coil on Thanksgiving weekend 2017. HOWEVER, that’s not his fault and it’s no reason to dislike an innocent holiday over it. This time of year is always a time for missing people though so I’d be doing that no matter when he died. I HAD been hoping that would never happen and that he’d have died after me when we were both old and dotty but alas.

We went to see Last Christmas last night and loved it. I don’t know why it’s getting panned online other than that the patriarchy doesn’t want to see a female-lead movie EVER. It was really sweet and funny. It was about becoming a better person by being kinder to others. Co-written and co-starring Emma Thompson, directed by Paul Feig, and starring Emilia Clarke? I don’t see a thing not to like. In fact, I want to watch it again RIGHT NOW. *fist pound*

I’ve been going to the movies a LOT lately because I have that AMC A-List membership. Truthfully, I’ve had it for over a year and hadn’t really been using it until recently. When I went on medical leave for my surgery, I just started using it because a) there were a lot of movies I was interested in and b) because it’s an easy, low impact thing to do to GTFO my house. My review of the program is “eh”. It’s been fun to see so many movies but it’s also been a pain in the neck to use the site, the app, and customer service when the site and the app inevitably don’t work. Blerg.

By Source (WP:NFCC#4), Fair use

Yesterday, we also got out of the house and ran some errands earlier in the day. We took Monster and Shirley (above) the vet so Monster could get some quick bloodwork done. Shirley just came along for the ride. Then we went to Starbucks for breakfast, to the new Ulta near our house (to be lookiloos), and then to Kmart to buy some things. I bought $10 jeggings. A non-scale victory is that I went down a pants size which means that all my damn pants were falling off my hide. I’d been meaning to buy a few pairs of cheapie pants to get me through but I didn’t dream I could get away with buying some for ten beans. They’re pretty cute too, shockingly. We picked up Monster’s prescriptions and also went to PetSmart.

Because we did all that yesterday, I had zero energy today. I keep saying “Coleen, go clean things.” “Coleen, go shower.” “Coleen, go do ANYTHING.” However, I’ve just been in a weird cycle all day of just eating things, watching stuff on YouTube, and wandering around. I DID fold some clothes, put some away, and put some to the side to go down to the basement. I DID (eventually) shower. I DID do an assessment for a coding bootcamp I’m interested in. I DID exercise. I DID play with Monster and Shirley while playing Christmas music for a while. Oh, I also straightened up the house a bit. I guess, moreover, not an entirely unproductive day. (I’m also writing this meandering blog post right this second.) (Oh AND I talked on the horn with my Dad.)

Oh, one thing I should mention is that I have forgotten to pick up the Wellbutrin (because I have no focus) so I do apologize for this highly unfocused blog post. It’s more for me than it is for you, anyway, reader (the post AND the Wellbutrin). I just happen to be that looliebird who’d rather publish her diary to the internet for all to see. I’m sorry to this man. I feel like writing more but legit have nothing else to say right now. All I can think of is that I want to watch Last Christmas again. See? My brains are mush right now. Okay, I’m going to go put on my weighted blankie and watch TV. If another brain fart bubbles up, you can bet your bippie I’ll be back.

Dizzy bitch

I posted this on my weight loss instagram account but I’m really struggling, you guys. Bodily, my doc thinks I’m fine. However, I’ve been so weak and unable to focus. I think it’s maybe the fact that your body goes through a lot of hormonal changes with this surgery which can cause depression and anxiety which causes fatigue and brain fog. Also, depression and anxiety caustes fatigue and brain fog. It’s a perfect circle of fuckery.

I went to a Psychiatrist yesterday and they prescribed me Wellbutrin to help with the focus and depression. They filled it today so I’ll go pick it up and start with it. The side effects could be actually be anxiety (LOL), nausea, and weight loss. Well, those three side effects are already in full effect because of the surgery so this should be interesting. I’m hoping hoping hoping it works.

I should say that I’m not in any danger; mentally or physically. It’s not THAT bad. What it IS is draining and making me feel so guilty. I feel like I SHOULD be healed. My surgeon’s office basically told me to suck it up. I get why they’re saying it; physically, I’m fine. I’ve healed great. They can only focus on my physical health and since the surgery went great, they say that fatigue is something everyone goes through and I just have to push through. I wish it were that simple. The PROBLEM is that I started off dealing with depression and anxiety and I think this just has exacerbated it. I went into this being treated for both so they approved me and that’s helped me immensely. However, you can’t solve for every single problem. I’m going to see my GP on Monday and see what he thinks. He’s the one who recommended me for this surgery so he knows a thing or two about it. He might also advise me to suck it up OR he might know more what I mean than they do. I guess we’ll see.

In the meantime, I’ve been working from home a lot and taking time out of the office. This makes me feel terrible about myself but sitting staring into space in front of my computer also makes me feel terrible. I’m able to sit and write this now because it’s just stream of consciousness and doesn’t matter. If I have to commit my brain to anything else, it just doesn’t work. Kaputsky; shuts down.

This too, shall pass. You might be wondering why I would put something so personal on the internet when it’s not even 2008 anymore. Well, I ask myself the same thing. However, I think that even in the waning months of 2019, it’s still important to share first hand messy personal experiences for my own later recollection but also (and more importantly so) to help other people who might be going through a similar thing. Like it says above; let go of anxieties and do you, boo.

Wooziness

Pals, Momma ain’t herself. I’m fine, I’m not fine. I’m energetic, I’m “low energy”. I’m nauseous, I’m not nauseous. I’m all over the place this week. I ended up not going to work both yesterday and today. Also, I’m having trouble focusing on anything. I mean, I’m not in any danger of a medical emergency; I just don’t feel well. I slept on and off all day yesterday. I did manage to hang a pair of curtains that I’ve been meaning to, though, so that made me feel productive. I’ve been needing to put up those curtains because the window has been bare for about a month and it’s been FREEZING in that room. That literally took five minutes and I laid back down haha.

I’m currently trying to take my vitamins and gagging. I’ve never had trouble taking vitamins in my life but now, every time I do, I gag when they go down and I have to resist throwing up when they hit my stomach. It takes forever to get them all down. I’ve been trying to get these vitamins down for at least an hour now.

If I’m feeling better later, maybe I’ll try to straighten up our “study”/”office”. It’s been a dumping ground for basically all of 2019. Although I’m not feeling well, I really don’t want to lay down all day. I’d like to be up and moving around and I feel like that room might be easier to organize than I think it will.

I’m watching Day 2 of the Impeachment Hearings. Yovanovitch is a very credible witness; so diplomatic (of course) and factual. She’s not willing to assume anyone’s intentions. This is wild. I listened to some of Day 1 of the Impeachment Hearings and couldn’t pay attention to it for some reason. I don’t know if that’s because I’m having a difficult time focusing in general or if it’s because I’m so fed up with this entire thing. Basically, we know what 45 and his cronies did. They’re just laying down the facts on the record. It’s depressing that anyone could still be defending these criminals. I don’t know many people who do but the ones I do are close family members who cannot understand why I won’t discuss it with them anymore. The reason is that I lose respect for them every time we do. Eh, I don’t want to talk about it.

One thing I do want to talk about is sneakers. I excercise every day and have for a long time HOWEVER it’s ridiculous exercise; dancing in front of the TV watching a sitcom every morning. It’s not intense exercise. It hasn’t made me lose weight. What it DOES do is stretch my body out, get my blood moving, and make me start the day feeling good. Lately, I’ve started walking on the treadmill and then recently I even started jogging on it. The weird thing is that I refuse to put on socks and sneakers to do it. Kristyn is going to kill me because I’ve been walking AND jogging on the treadmill in slides. I know this isn’t a bright move but I just don’t want to put anything between getting me on the treadmill. SO, I’ve been trying to think of what kind of slip-on shoes I can wear to walk/jog on the treadmill without socks. I DO have a pair of Vans slip-ons but they’re a half size too small; not ideal. I DO have a few pairs of Converse that I could wear that aren’t slip-on BUT I could not lace them up all the way so that they’re easy to get on and off. This is a ridiculous problem because if I went to the gym, I’d put on my running sneakers WHICH I do absolutley have. Perhaps those can slide on and off easily? I should unearth them and try. It’s dumb that I had to tippy type this out on a public forum to identify that solush. See? Brains are not firing on all cylinders.

Okay, it’s been three hours and I finally just finished my vitamins. Jesus Christ. Okay, gonna go for now and try not to hurl. Bye!

Oh. My fucking God.

I am fucking exhausted you guys. My first day back was nothing at ALL but still, I’m bone tired. Literally, all I did was read and delete emails and then deal with some admin persnickety stuff but it took it out of me. I DID get up very early today (5am) and I DID exercise for an hour (dancing and then on the treadmill) but still. For how exhausted I am (body and soul), you’d think I had a rough day. Reader, I did not. It’s just this funking surgery. I can’t wait to get my damn energy back.

I came home tonight and got right into my jams. Kristyn made me some broccoli and kale crust pizza and now we’re watching Castle Rock, Season 1 after two episodes of The Dick Van Dyke Show. I feel a little better now that I’m laying down. I’m going to go chill. Byeeeeeeeee.

Let’s take this body for a spin

Okay pals, today’s the day. I’m heading back to werk this morning for the first time in seven weeks. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. My energy has been really low this week. It’s possible that could be because I flipped over into college hours in my final week at home. I got up at 5am today and exercised for an hour so I’m feeling pretty decent but I know I’ll be EXHAUSTED when I get home.

Basically today, I’m going to be in IT all day; I can guarantee it. I have legit NO IDEA what my laptop password is. My computer is going to have to do seven hundred thousand updates. And then I’ll have a ton of emails to look through before I can do anything. I’ve checked my email a few times since I’ve been away to see what’s cooking but it’s all been taken care of. Basically, I’ll probably just skim through it and file it. For a week’s vacation, you can come back with things to do. For SEVEN WEEKS’ medical leave? Someone else needs to handle that shit because you have no idea when that person will really be able to return, right?

So, yesterday, I had a crazy thing happen. I was standing and lifted up my foot without thinking and realized that I raised it way higher than I have in a long time. Then suddenly, I went into that pose above! The fuq?! That shit is incredible to me because I used to be very flexible and used to be able to do stuff like the above with no problem at all. But within the last few years, uh uh no way no how could I have done that. I’ve lost 35 pounds now and the last time I was this weight was probably in 2014? 2015? That means I’ve peeled off 4-5 YEARS of weight. That’s incredible to me. (BTW, I photoshopped the photo above. Why not use my weight loss to learn photoshop?)

Anyway, my goals in this are less to lose weight although that’s nice and more to gain strength, flexibility, and endurance oh and ENERGY! I was thrilled to see that some of the old flexibility is returning. Wild wild wild.

Okay, I gotta GTFO. Wish me luck!

A real blur

It’s been over a week since I wrote and honestly, it’s been a blur. Mostly I’ve been cleaning the house, watching The Dick Van Dyke Show, learning to eat food like a person, and exercising. This “eating like a person” thing is hard because it’s tough to eat small enough portions that I don’t feel sick while getting in enough protein and fiber with a low enough portion of carbs and sugars. The REAL rough thing is trying to fit in all my vitamins and pills. I have a few prescriptions to take to make sure that my stomach doesn’t over-produce acid and also so that I don’t develop gallstones. I also need to take specific vitamins. All of these pills can’t be taken together but mostly all need to be taken with food. It’s a job unto itself.

We DID have two big things happen this week though:

  1. We had our in-home inspection for Foster to Adopt on Friday. We had to prepare for that all last week a little at a time; hence the cleaning. It went well, there are a few things we need to fix and then we’ll have a re-inspection next week. Wish us luck!
  2. We went to Kate’s Lazy Meadow in Mt. Tremper, NY for our 6 year wedding anniversary (see above). We do this (almost) every year for our wedding anniversary AND it was the first weekend I could “travel” post-surgery. It felt really good to get into the car and drive. We didn’t do too many things this year because I still have a limited amount of spoons; even though my energy is increasing all the time. Still, we went shopping in Phoenicia, made a nice dinner, went to the Jericho Drive-in to see the Addams Family movie, went to the Phoenicia Diner, and chilled. It was rainy on Sunday and it was so nice up there that we decided to stay another day. We just lazed on the couch and watched sitcoms and then that CNN multi-part documentary about the history of comedy. Then I napped forever. Kristyn caught up on reading for her exams (that she’d intended to do on Monday) and then we intended to do some sightseeing on Monday but we were both exhausted so we came home. All that traveling has me wiped even though it was just a two hour ride. Here are some other photos:

One thing I forgot is that I had my first glass of wine post-op on Sunday night. Whoooo that hit me fast and hard! I was fine though; it didn’t make me sloshed. I didn’t have a lot and I didn’t drink fast. I probably had one glass of wine total and it felt like I’d had three BUT the feeling also went away quickly too which was good. Some surgeons recommend that you don’t have a drink for at least a year. My surgeon said it was fine after one month which is the bare minimum. Basically, 1) because your stomach is so small post-op, it absorbs everything differently meaning that you can get drunk faster, 2) Post-op patients sometimes have transfer addiction from food to whatever else so they want to avoid you turning to alcohol. Understandable. I’m not much of a drinker anyway so although I want to keep it that way, I felt comfortable to have a glass of wine on my anniversary weekend. The one other thing they recommend is not to have your first drink in public so that you don’t make an asshole out of yourself. So, we just watched The Jersey Shore Family Vacation, Season 3 while we had some wine. Perf.

Okay, so this week we have a lot on the agenda. We have to fix up the house to pass our home inspection, we have concert tickets, it’s Halloween, and we’ve been invited to a daytime event for DCPP and also a friend’s party. I’m going to have to alternate between relaxing and exercising to keep my energy up for all of this; it’s a lot at once. Next Monday I go back to work and I’m okay with that. I’m glad I took this extra time because I feel so much better than I did when I was supposed to go back two and a half weeks ago. I’m no longer in pain like I was. My incisions are healed. Even though I don’t have as many spoons as I’d like, I have more than I did. I’m not napping during the day (except for Sunday which was more of a pleasure nap than a necessary nap) and my exercise amount has been increasing. I assume I’ll be dead to the world after work every day next week but it is what it is. It’ll feel good to be back in the world and get used to this new life while working.

Seven weeks! I’ve been home for seven weeks! One week was vacation pre-op and six weeks was post-op. In all that time, it doesn’t feel like much has happened but I did do one huge thing; took control of my health and lost 30 pounds! Okay, I gotta GTFO. Byeeeeee!

P.S. We finished watching Drag Race All-Stars 2 last night!

Sleepy Cozy Cool

I still haven’t left the house since Saturday. Yesterday I intended to but then felt it best if I stayed in and accomplished some paperwerk-esque items including making the above business cards! I’ve been trying to launch a side business all year long; going so far as to create an LLC and a tax ID, to do the early stage items to start an Etsy shop, claim social handles, and create a blog. I’ve started making some jewelry and buying fabric to make some things. I was offered the opportunity recently to read tarot cards at a cancer charity event in the next town over; benefitting cancer patients in that town and my hometown. I’m choosing not to get paid for that because it’s a) an awesome cause and b) I don’t want to/can’t earn money on medical leave. I created those cards at the suggestion of the gal who is giving me this opportunity. It felt great to make them but I already can see that I made an error. I got licensed to do Reiki this year so I should have put it next to tarot.

Oh and THIS was why a psychic medium came to my house the other day. I did a practice run read on her. I’ve been reading tarot (or trying to learn to) since I was a teenager. Within the last two years I have gotten pretty good at it (in comparison to how I used to do). There are a few main thoughts about tarot: 1) when you are reading someone’s cards, you are “fortune telling” or gleaning information from a higher source, 2) when you are reading someone’s cards, you are interpreting the art on the cards in relation to each other as a point of conversation and making sense of a chaotic world, and 3) when you are reading someone’s cards, you are both interpreting the art/archetypes AND if you’re good enough, you’re also using your intuition. Personally, I started with interpreting the art and now there’s room for intuition. I’ll report back on how it goes.

So also, today I had some other weird paperwork to take care of but then I decided to take advantage of the cold, windy, rainy day. Mid-afternoon, just as the storm started, I got cozy in my armchair with the wind blowing in on me. Listening to the rain, I put on something spooky (that Haunted show on Netflix) and then took a long nap. It was excellent. When I woke up, I ate something and then got comfortable again so we could watch Stranger Things, season 2 on Netflix. I got REAL bored with it when it came out (even though I loved Season 1). Kristyn wants to watch season 3 so now we’re watching it. I just remembered that part of why I didn’t watch this season is that Charles died right after it was released. He was really into this show and binge-watched it right before he died so I didn’t have the heart to watch it. Forgot about that grim factoid. Happy Halloween!

Speaking of Halloween, all the witchy Instagram accounts I follow keep reminding me that the “veil is thinning”. I believe it. I have been thinking of Charles, Nana (maternal grandma), and Gram (maternal great-grandma) a lot lately. I had a weird dream about Charles recently where we were hanging out at a party and he was probably a pre-teen. Even though we were at a party, he was pretty serious and so was I. I remember that I kept thinking that I wanted to hold off on telling him that his brother died until the party was over so as not to spoil his time. It wasn’t until I woke up that I realized that I was the one I was protecting from finding out her brother died so as not to spoil the party. Weird.

I also cried the other morning to the Mary Tyler Moore Show. It was the episode in the final season where Mr. Grant helps Mary get of sleeping pills that she’s been taking for her insomnia. He comes over her house and stays the night to stop her from taking pills. He sits her down on the couch and sings her the lullaby “Too Ra Loo Ra Loo Ral (That’s an Irish Lullaby)”. My Grandparents used to sing that to me as a kid and also other songs like it. It made me sob, LOL. I just miss them and also my hormones are all over the place since this surgery. 99% of the time, I am in a great mood; calm and peaceful. But that 1% has got me sobbing suddenly and it happens every few days. That 1% doesn’t have me worried. I’m not SAD SAD or depressed, just grieving and it honestly feels really good to let it out. However, I’m on the last two episodes of the Mary Tyler Moore Show and I’ve never seen them before so I DID avoid watching them today because I know I’m going to cry and don’t feel like doing it haha.

Okay, signing off fer today, boos! I just felt like tippy-typing and saying hullo!

Alright

This week I’m feeling a bit better. I haven’t been nauseous so far. I think perhaps the nausea was that I was eating too fast and perhaps the exhaustion was that I was doing too much too fast and wearing myself out. Still, after talking to my surgeon, we agreed that I need more time to acclimate to this new life. I’m really glad to have done that because this whole thing is like patting your head and rubbing your belly. It’s re-learning how to be a person, essentially. Because I’m healing well and feeling good (mostly), I tend to overdo it when I am feeling good which takes me down.

I haven’t been out of the house since Saturday when I got my hair fixed. Having never really dyed my hair before, I’m shocked SHOCKED at how close she got the color to my natural hair! The only indicator that it’s dyed (or ever was) is that she forgot a little boop of pink in me bangs. It’s okay by me! She did a great job. I might do a weird color again soon but she wanted me to get to an even base before we did that. Aye aye cap’n.

After I got my hurrs did, it was so nice out that we took Shirley to the dog park and she really made a looliebird of herself. She’s…not great with other dogs. She’s GREAT with people in that she loves them and trusts them and wants to be their friend. Actually though, she has no manners whatsoever with people and tends to jump relentlessly on them. We’re permissive mothers, what can I say? But we don’t take her to the dog park often because when we do, she inevitably gets into a kerfuffle with another doggy and everyone looks at us like we brought a goofy murderer into their little doggy heaven. What happened was a little white doggy and her parents were getting ready to GTFO and the owners had put that doggy’s lead and leash on. WELL, little miss Shirley went up to the Mom and Dad for pets and accidentally got in between the little white dog and her parents. So then that dog was sniffing Shirley’s doodle station and Shirley was submitting to that when the other dog started to growl a little. Shirley don’t take no shit from anyone so she let the growling happen for a min or two and then was like “Oh fuck me? No fuck you!” and FLIPPED the little white dog onto her back! (This is a maneuver that she is REAL good at and she’s employed it with our cats as well.) Once she’s on top, she starts snarling and growling and snapping and although she doesn’t actually bite, it LOOKS like she is. It scared the shit out of all of us and I can’t bend down OR lift her in my “delicate condition” (aka bariatric surgery not bebe). I had to holler “Kristyn, get her!” and she got Shirley off the other doggy. Man of la mancha was that a drama. The other parents and baby left and literally like within five minutes, every other dog and dog parent left. Gurlfriend cleared out the entire dog park. She was RADIOACTIVE. Well, one little doggy and her Mom stayed and then unsuspecting people arrive. And then Shirley looked like a wee basketcase because, by that time, she was a nervous wreck and DROOLING heavily out of both sides of her mouth. The legit only time she ever does this is at the dog park OR one time when she licked a bottle of RV antifreeze and almost succumbed. She was flinging drool everywhere and then running up to people who were like “Okay who brought the nerd?” We decided to take her for a solitary walk in the park which she behaved much better for haha. I keep telling Kristyn we need to get Shirley a Chihuahua because the only dog she loves consistently is her friend Chloe (whose Momma is our friend Amanda). I don’t think she’s ever had a fight with Chloe although she’s definitely gotten a little too in her face when playing and Chloe’s given her a piece of her mind.

That day, we also went to Lowe’s to buy some pipe covers. Because we’re working with the state on foster to adopt, we have to have our apartment up to code. They require that you cover pipes because they carry hot water up to the 2nd floor and they don’t want a child to get burned. Reasonable. So we’ve been meaning to do this forever and finally got it done. Now to put the covers on the damn pipes! Shirley was REAL into Lowe’s.

Kristyn’s been having to shoulder the burden of doing some of this cleanup that I can’t because I can’t lift or carry anything heavier than five pounds. Luckily, she’s been doing Crossfit for a year so it’s kind of like she’s been training for this exact moment. The inspector comes to visit on our six year wedding anniversary which is cool. That’s also the day we finally get to go Upstate to Kate’s Lazy Meadow; something we do for our anniversary every year. Since we missed the entire fall season up there because I couldn’t travel, we’re really looking forward to heading up there. The trees have been late to turn this year so hopefully most of the leaves won’t have fallen yet. I love love love being up in the Catskills when the trees are turning. So gorgeous. I love the brisk air too. Today is actually the date that the campground season ends which is kind of a relief because I don’t have to feel sad that I’m not there anymore haha. It’s officially Barr-Scorsone wintertime when the campground closes.

I have to think of what else I want to do today. I bought a ton of supplies to make art and I have a ton of books to read so I have to rip the bandaid off and get started. Funnily enough, a psychic medium came to the house yesterday and told me she was removing blocked energy in my “female creation quadrant” yesterday. I know I’m burying the lede here but more on that later. When she did it, I actually FELT it happen. I’m going to light a creativity candle I bought in LA today and make some shit! Wish me luck!

Oh how the mighty have fallen…

The “mighty” person I am speaking of is me although I have never once described myself as “mighty”. However, all that blather for the past two weeks about feeling “excellent”? Well, that’s over. Since Sunday, I am nauseous every day all day. I’m keeping everything down and haven’t yakked yet but everything is grossing me out during week 3. My stomach constantly feels mixed up. Everything tastes weird. I read these two articles that say it’s a normal and expected part of bariatric surgery. Literally everything is sickening to me. I’ve been laying down a lot to quell the nausea. Weirdly I’ve found that eating sugar-free ice pops seems to work to calm my stomach. I ate four of them the other day; that’s how nauseous I was.

Still, I’m glad I did this. I still have an increased amount of energy. The last two days we were supposed to go out and didn’t end up doing it, partially because of my nausea and partially because we did stuff around the house with the energy I DO have. With me losing weight so quickly, some of my pants are getting really loose so we went through some bags of old clothes to see if there’s anything in there that would fit me. A few months ago, Kristyn and I had gone through our clothes and put stuff that’s too small in bags for donation but then we never took them to donate. We went through those bags again and I found some clothes of both mine and hers that I will keep to the side in case I need them.

We also straightened up our first bedroom and the third; both of which have been a complete hot mess for literally ALL of 2019 so far. The reason for this mess is that we took every single thing out of the first bedroom and put it into the third so that we can repaint the first bedroom and rip up the old carpet. Well, that turned into a shitload of work that probably took us like 8 months and should have taken us a weekend. a) We’re busy and b) We’re so, so tired. My task for today is to do a little more zhuzhing in the 3rd bedroom and then some hanging in the 1st bedroom which now has a desk and chair in it for me, our treadmill with a TV, and a green screen photo backdrop LOL.

Okay, now, I’m going to take a little naparoo while watching the Pawnee Goddesses episode of Parks and Rec. G’day.