“Letting myself”

Christmas Day! – “The one with all the jammies”

Merry Christmas, boos! We had a great time on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. We spent Christmas Eve at Kristyn’s Aunt’s house and Christmas Day at my Uncle and Aunt’s house. We had 48 hours of Yuletide joy. I was glad that I was able to eat a little bit of party food both days. I ate well in the morning and afternoon and then tried to make the best choices possible at the parties. I overdid it a little but am fine with it. It’s a relief to know that things can be “normal” post-op.

Christmas Eve – “The one with all the weasles”

Now let’s get to the subject at hand; “letting myself”. I have a real problem. You know how we tend to “save the best for last”? I do that with so many things in my life; even things that are good for me. If I buy a container of strawberries, I tend to let them go bad thinking that I should “save them” for some perfect point in time that doesn’t seem to materialize. If I want to go to a yoga class, I make up reasons why I shouldn’t. I do it with this blog, too.

For a long time, I stopped updating this blog because I was nervous about people that I know reading it. That was silly. But then, I got over that and stopped writing it because I didn’t feel like it. That was fine. Lately though? I want to write this blog but the problem is “letting myself”. I keep telling myself that I shouldn’t write too much or it will be annoying to others or that I have nothing to say or that I have more important things to do. None of that is true and even if it is…so what?

The one with all the faces.

Me, Kristyn, and my sister Christine had made the above photos using a filter and sent them to each other for a LOL. The other day, Christine made a calendar for my parents. The above photo is what she put in November 2020. On Christmas, my Uncle was flipping through the calendar and said “OMG, imagine that there were this many of you all? I’d love that!” I said “Well, if there were that many of me, you’d get annoyed because of all the talking we’d all do.” He said “I’d absolutely love it. There’s nothing I’d love more.” It was such a sweet and loving thing to say. It struck me that I always assume that no one (besides Kristyn) wants to hear anything I have to say. I mean, I didn’t realize that I felt that way. Eye opening.

The one with the Christmas Tree

One more thing, I’ve finally lost a little over 50 pounds. I don’t feel like I look much different but I feel so much different and better. It’s made it all worth it. I heard back from the doc today that my nutrition/vitamin levels are fine but that I should up my B12 to taking it twice per day instead of once (and I’ve already done it). I also increased the Wellbutrin as of last week and am waiting to see if that gives me more energy and focus.

Today and tomorrow I’m letting myself rest after so much frenzied holiday revelry and then I’m going to go back to trying to declutter the house. First we’ll have to peel back at least one layer of Christmas detritus that has accumulated made up of gift bags, wrapping paper, and tissue. We’ve already put our gifts away but the stuff we used to wrap gifts for everyone else is all stacked up in the bedroom. If I’m feeling up to it, maybe I’ll try to do it tomorrow before I flop back into my recliner to finish watching The Handmaid’s Tale (which is what we’ve been doing all day). Okay, I’m going to push the “publish” button. Gnite!

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