I done did it!

Boos, I have lots of news for ya:

  1. I turned 40 last week. People always expect you to feel downtrodden about a milestone birthday like that but I didn’t whatsoever. I love my birthday and I love celebrating it. You only get to be a certain age one time in your life so why not enjoy it? Also, I kind of like looking at decades in my life as chapters in a book. I was excited to end the chapter of “30s” and start on a fresh new decade for my 40s. When I was turning 30, I decided that I wanted to do something HUGE to commemorate it. I was either going to go skydiving OR move to LA. Those who have been following this blog for a while will know that we chose LA. It was a really good choice even though sometimes it was hard. For my 40’s I wanted to something equally drastic but didn’t want to move SO that brings me to the next things:
  2. I dyed my hair pink! Actually, I had Kristyn bleach and then dye my hair pink. To be frank, she did a great job but also it does not look good haha. I took the bleach off too soon and then we used a really weak Manic Panic lilac-y color that wouldn’t absorb. So we just threw hot pink over it. It’s coming right out so now it’s all streaked with blonde. Next week, if I’m feeling better, I’ll go have someone re-do it professionally. Which leads me to:
  3. I got gastric sleeve surgery yesterday, 9/23. It was also the Autumnal Equinox/Mabon so that felt special to me. Honestly, pals, if I didn’t know that I’d had surgery, I wouldn’t really know I’d had it. It doesn’t hurt at all. I’m drinking liquids and moving around as much as possible which feels good. The hospital staff at Valley Hospital in Ridgewood, NJ were fantastic. I’ve never stayed overnight in a hospital before except to do a sleep test. I think they’ve set a pretty high bar.

So, I want to talk a bit about WHY I did these things. For the pink hair, IDK, it’s just something I have been feeling like doing lately. In the 90’s, I didn’t do it because all my friends were and I didn’t want to blindly follow the pack. Plus, I liked the color of my hair as is. PLUS I saw how much stupid effort went into dying their hair those colors and was like “Nope, too much work for something so silly.” But I decided to do it because “Why the hell not?” Basically, I wanted to look back at photos of this significant time in my life and see that I’d taken a chance. I’m glad I did it even if the results are straight fuckery.

Now re: the gastric sleeve. I want to talk about what my body felt like before this surgery and what it feels like now. So my reasons for getting this surgery are health and fertility-related. But honestly, I just want stamina and endurance. I want to get my strength back. I feel so earthbound and heavy all the time. When I was younger and weighed like 150 lbs less, I felt so light on my feet that I was sure that if I really wanted to, I could fly. I had so much energy back then. I couldn’t understand how people could just sit on a couch and watch a FULL MOVIE let alone binge watching TV shows. I wanted to be dancing, stretching, talking, doing gymnastics, making art, or anything other than sitting still and staring at a screen (like I am right now lol). But it turned out that I got a sedentary job and when I come home, I just want to crash into the couch after eating a shitty takeout meal. This has made me gain approximately 10 lbs a year which doesn’t sound like much but has added up to 70 lbs since we moved back from LA. I don’t recognize myself when I look in the mirror lately. I ESPECIALLY don’t recognize myself when I look at myself in photos. I researched this surgery, talked to people who had it, read articles, followed people who’d had the surgery on Instagram, and found support groups on Facebook. It seems like 9/10 people have a great experience and 1/10 have a terrible experience. I’m only a day out but so far, so good. Not really any pain whatsoever. I just have a lot of gas (because they pump your abdomen up with air to do the surgery and then you have to “release it”). I also have to watch how much I eat and drink because if I overdo it, I can get really ill. The worst part of deciding to get this surgery is trying to re-envision your life where food doesn’t play such a strong emotional centerpiece to everything. Like after 4 weeks, I will be able to eat normal food but I need to have smaller portions. Also, apparently I’ll need to learn which foods trigger bad reactions and which ones are good for my new stomach. I’m actually kind of excited about this. It feels like a craft project and I’m the craft.

Well, anyway, I should GTFO for now because I haven’t slept all day and I am starting to get groggy. I’ll write more tomorrow. I don’t even think I posted about DragCon here! Such a travesty!

P.S. One other travesty is that we had to close up our trailer for the season an entire month early! I can’t travel for more than one hour in a car for the next four weeks because I have an elevated risk of blood clotting. The trailer is two hours from home. I asked if I couldn’t just drive an hour then pause and go shopping or whatever and then do the next hour-long leg. She said no because if something goes wrong with me, she wants me to be near where she can help me. Makes sense. I’ll just go up there a shitload next year. Waaaaaah!

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