It’s Too Much

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Us at the Jacob Javits Center on the night of what was supposed to be Hillary Clinton’s election.

Pals, Kristyn and I have a pretty great life. We both do work that stimulates us, we are able to go participate in things that interest and excite us, we have interests, our curiosity, our health, some friends, our pets, and tons of books. HOWEVER, my brain is in a constant cyclone of confusion, anxiety, worry, and hope.

I’m confused by this election. I’ve been trying to keep away from the media too much because I absolutely drowned myself in it prior to the election and it really burned us all. I am also finding it disheartening to find all the horrible things that our President-Elect “That Man” is already doing; hiring white supremacists, misogynists, homophobes, anarchists, HIS IMMEDIATE FAMILY, and rabble rousers to be in his transitional committee. Okay so I have been paying attention because I’m really mad and scared but I won’t turn on MSNBC or CNN right now because I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear them on an endless cycle babbling about how every little thing is BREAKING NEWS and farting into my earholes about That Man. If the rest of the country can be ignorant, I too, can take a couple of weeks off to live my life. Ignorance is bliss they say? Let me try it out.

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Us at the Norman Rockwell Museum in Massachusetts; standing in front of his studio for our three  year wedding anniversary.

I’m anxious about our future. Partially because of the election. Largely because I’m always anxious about mine and our future. An interesting thing that I’ve learned in the last two weeks is that I’m surprised to find how comfortable and hopeful I was before. What a startling realization to understand that we were living in a cocoon and we legitimately thought that cocoon was going to go on forever. It’s weird to feel this seismic shift underneath me that we might not  be alright after this. I’m, as always, thinking about grad school and if I want to do it and what I might do if I did and where would I go and what would it cost and how would it benefit me, etc. I keep going in different directions with it and I’m not sure what is the most “me” direction to go in so I buy classes to take online but then I forget about them and don’t do them. See above: confusion.

I am worried that people are going to stop caring soon. I think that the “can’t everyone just stop with all the negativity” Facebook people have finally quieted down after hearing a resounding “NO” from all of us. They’ve probably just hidden us but whatever. If they’ve done that though, they don’t care to learn and THAT is scary. I think we’re ALL just stressed out over this election and have all been in that state of high stress for 16 months. It’s been a LONG slog.

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Us Upstate with Swirlie recently to close up the trailer. That was one month ago and it feels like an entire lifetime has gone by.

I am hopeful that this long national conversation we’re having will lead to change. Maybe if Hillary had been elected, THEY would be the ones organizing and instead we are. Maybe this constant conversation about civil rights that we’re having will open people’s minds. (I’m aware of my naïveté right now but I NEEDS IT RIGHT NOW.) When That Man was elected, I wanted to lay down and die. Now I don’t feel like that. I feel more connected to people than I did before the election. I know that I can’t just hide out in a bubble by myself and figure it all out on my own. I need to go out and connect with humanity. In fact, I helped to organize an LGBT party in NY this week. It was a gathering of the LGBTQ pride organizations in a few of the big tech companies and 85 people showed up which is unprecedented. Everyone had fun and I’m so glad that we did it. Here is a picture of me and Kristyn at the event:

img_3249The rest of the pictures that I took are pretty low quality and dark so I won’t torture you with them here but rest assured that That Man’s constituents would be apoplectic to see so many “East Coast Liberal Elites” in one room together. Kristyn will punch me in the face for saying “East Cost Liberal Elites” in this paragraph because she loathes that phrase. I keep using it because it makes me chortle that even Bernie Sanders would say that we are “East Coast Liberal Elites” and not working class. Ugh. Anyway, that was a thrill in a two week solid block of fuckery.

I don’t know what I’m going to do with my weekend and it’s 10:30 am on Saturday. The things I’d love to accomplish this weekend are: going to the Montclair Museum, going grocery shopping, cleaning up this dump, and attending the New School’s MA Open House. Will she do any of them? Likely yes but not likely all of them. She’s hoping that she can surprise herself. Yes, she has slipped into the third person. She’s slowly going mad so it’s to be expected.

Okay, have a great day, pals!

 

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