Brain Drain

hillary-clinton-young

Image from here.

I don’t know how this country failed Hillary Clinton so badly. I mean, I do; racism, homophobia, transphobia, ablism, ageism, anger, and fear. The majority of Americans voted for this dedicated public servant who would have been the most qualified person to ever be elected to this office. Instead, because of the Electoral College, and the aforementioned darkness, we now have the most virulently cruel President-Elect in our nation’s history.

I’ve been all shades of defeated, depressed, apoplectic, and hopeful over the past few days. I’ve been (like so many others) in total fuck it mode, just arguing with people online outraged that people could be so uncaring and/or apathetic. It honestly  made me feel a lot better because I’ve been veritably meek for the entire year + of this election; not wanting to get into fights or be a poor winner. Boy were we mistaken. That was the absolute wrong way to go. We should have been this vocal and angry all along; but honestly, I don’t think my heart could have taken that. As it is, I’ve been stressed out over this election for over a year and I barely got into one fight over it. Although, had I, maybe I would have gotten some of that aggression out that made me feel so good this week.

I’ll calm down eventually; I already am beginning to. I have been researching and taking action on ways to engage with my community. I don’t want to talk about the things that I’m doing just yet because I have a tendency to stop working on things the second I mention them. I’ll just say that the things that I’m working towards are incredibly positive and inter-connected. I have a good feeling and am feeling inspired.

Before I go skipping off into positivity-land though, I want to say that the third party voters or liberals who skipped voting are the people who are pissing me off the most. Someone told me that I’m “just like those on the far right” and I agreed with her in that we both have something we believe in. That’s why I’m not as mad at the people on the far right. They legitimately BELIEVE that they did the right thing. Although I find it absolutely abhorrent, I can’t argue with that logic because I, too, believe that I’m on the side of right. What I have seen in this election is misogyny in action both from the right and the left. Oh the horrors that a woman might out-qualify every male candidate in the race. Lots of gaslighting in this race from the Bernie bros. They convinced a generation of liberals that Hillary Clinton was basically a far right republican. I’m horrified.

The other thing that is unsettling to me is how little I have to say to get a huge reaction out of people. They aren’t used to us speaking up at all so every tiny pushback is like I burned their house to the ground. They literally cannot hear how abusive they have been all this time and aren’t used to being challenged so when I treat them exactly how they’ve treated me, I’m “rude”. I’ve been called worse, too. I don’t care though. None of that matters right now.

The beautiful thing that’s come of this is that I’ve seen people making connections, too. Kristyn and I have heard from people that we normally do not. Connections have been forged where there didn’t used to be. We are uniting around a cause and maybe if we’d done it a little sooner, Hillary would be our President. It’s too late to wonder about that now; we just have to look forward and not get so complacent again. It’s just the first time we’ve lived without fear in our lives and it felt GOOD. Now we’re back to the drawing board and I am hoping that we can connect and move forward together.

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