Past, Present, Future

Past Present Future

It’s 8:15pm on Wednesday night. I’m really happy because Kristyn had an awesome meeting with a new professor today and will be working on a great project. I am also happy because I had my own project success today in that I finished the first draft of two things and was able to step back and say “Oh hey, there it effing is!” after months of deliberation and work. I’m also really happy because I’m reading Shirley Jackson’s Life Among the Savages and it’s been making me LOL IRL. She’s so inspiring that it’s crazy. Also, I’m happy because Monster stuck his tongue out at me and that always pleases me. I currently look like this:

Moi

(You’ll have to take my word at it that this is my giddy smile. They all tend to look like grimaces.)

Anyway, I decided to do pull three cards and play the “Past, Present, and Future” game. I think I have made a tactical error in this. If you look above, I pulled the VII of Cups as “Past”, the Father of Cups as “Present”, and the major arcana card XIII Death as “Future”. Christ almighty.

Let’s start with “Past”. I don’t think I’ve ever pulled the VII of Cups before. I’m going to take some extra time to analyze it I think. The good news is that no cups are broken although if we’re talking about my past, there probably should be. On this card, there is no color apart from black and white. There are seven cards at the top and they’re all wine glasses. Against a horizontal line background, six of the cups are upside down suspended at the top of the card in opposite diagonal lines. There is one cup in the center that is right side up. This cup is perched on the tip of what looks like a 3D almost conical pyramid shape. It must have eight total planes but only five are visible. There are two ways I can read this:

1) The six upside down cups are hanging effortlessly as though on one of those glass racks above a bar. The center cup (which I assume is me) needs a little extra help.

2) The six cups are all in one direction and the other cup (me) is moving in the wrong direction against the grain (this is good or bad).

The book says, “Illusion, Deception.” “The seven of cups is not the most welcomed card. It indicates you’ll face temptation in many aspects of your life. Whether it’s cheating for pleasure or for money, you’ll soon realize you’ve been building a house of cards. You may feel as though you can’t see clearly, can’t judge right from wrong. Thus is the spell of the seven of cups. It’s best to remove yourself for a while, step back until you can see straight again.”

Oh this TOTALLY was my past. I mean, this nailed it. As many people are when they’re young, I was sort of a party girl. I hung out with a crowd of people who all prioritized it and therefore I did too. After all, my family has been known to have a good time so I guess I thought that in order to have a good life, I should party a lot too. I think I did it for too long and maybe also with the wrong people. Don’t get me wrong, the people I partied with were fun but I think it ruined a lot of what used to be good friendships (or made me think they were at any rate). No one’s at fault but I regret a lot of it. I really had to step back and re-assess my priorities to figure out what I wanted out of my life. I did, in a few different ways, and I definitely moved away from that temptation.

Let’s talk about my “Present.” This card is the Father of Cups. I think I just drew this card the other day but I can’t be too sure. On this card, there is a hatched black and white background. A black swan is in the center of the card. The swan has a red beak and is staring directly forward. A black goblet hovers over the swan’s back. The swan is in a sitting position but is lifting up his wings to begin moving. This card is really hard to interpret. Because it is devoid of color but for the red beak, it feels ominous. The “Father” cups that I’ve seen so far, though, have been encouraging. If I were to knee-jerk interpret this card, I would say that right now may be a time of abundance but that I shouldn’t count on it lasting for long.

The book says, “Diplomatic, Open Minded.” “The father of cups has a truly unique and dynamic personality. He’s the most feminine of all the fathers within the tarot, and usually a patron of the arts. He’s a dignified man who supports his family and community. The only thing holding this man back are his deeply rooted insecurities…they are vast and affect his personality in many unpredictable ways.”

Actually, this is also pretty true right now. I am at a weird stage because I enjoy my work, I’m finished with my degree, I have a lot of family in my life but no friends. Also, at work, my boss has told me a few times to “remove myself” from the equation when I’m talking about a project. He always says it when I veer into getting defensive about something. Although I’m not intending to get defensive, I think it’s something that I need to consider. Also, I have some personal insecurities that are blocking my ability to break out of my shell and socialize. I think it’s going to hold me back in my life. It’s definitely something that’s missing.

Okay, let’s talk about my “Future.” It’s, what else, but the major arcana card, XIII Death. Ya dead. I have never pulled this card before so we’re treading on new territory. Being that I’m fretting about getting my health in order lately, this is not a welcome sight. However, everything that I’ve read says, “Don’t be so basic and freak out if you get this card, it just stands for endings and beginnings or change.” Okay, I won’t be basic. The card is beautiful and gross. On a black background, there is a bird’s skeleton. If I had to guess, the bird died on a forest and decomposed peacefully. The bird’s vertebrae and wings are entangled in what look like pine branches. The bird is laying on it’s back. I do not suspect “foul play”. I slay me. Anyway, if I’m assuming that this means change, I think that it will be a welcome change. Maybe it’s me moving in a new phase in my life.

The book says, “Closure, Transformation.” “No one loves the sight of the death card in a reading. We spend most of our lives denying death altogether…so when this card appears it’s easy to get frightened or think it’s “bad.” Don’t let the drama distract you from the message: something in your life needs to end. It needs closure. This will happen voluntarily or involuntarily. Either way, you will feel a positive transformation begin after the initial forms of suffering have past.”

Oh god. A lot of drama cards lately. The worst things that could happen to me are that Kristyn leaves me, I lose a loved one, or I get fired from my job. There are others but those would be the top of the list. These are the things I’m always afraid of. I can’t see any of them being the sort of thing that later I’d be all “LOL” over. Ugh, I don’t even want to think about it.

However, if I think about it in the context of this complete reading, maybe it’s that I need to make a change to my health. This is already something I’ve been working on (not as hard as I should). Let’s take a look:

  • The VII of Cups card was about temptation and needing to move away from it to gain clarity.
  • The Father of Cups was about being a happy person but being held back by insecurities.
  • The XIII Death card was about suffering before a “positive transformation”. Huh.

Okay so that’s it. I need to work hard at my health. With it, physical, emotional, and mental health will come alongside it. Duh. Turns out, I really liked this reading a lot.

I’m going to go think about this, maybe read more of Life Among the Savages, and/or watch the Mindy Project. I’m glad I did this reading.

 

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