I’m going to make this quick today because I’m starting to wane. I think I need to hop into the shower and clean something so that I don’t go back to bed.
Initially, I pulled three cards because I thought, “Oh I have extra time today, why not write more about this subject?” Now I’m like, “Oh god, now you have to write about three cards.” What I’m learning here is that while I need to establish the routine of getting up and doing things, the routine must be varied or I’ll get fusty-faced.
Anyway, I pulled the VI of Swords first. I’ve pulled this card before. In darkness, six swords are cast onto the ground in a pile. A rainbow rises overhead and light exists beyond it. This seems like a post-battle scene. We’re still not in full light so there’s some work to do but the rainbow and the light are on the horizon so there’s hope.
The book says “Hope at Last, Travel.” “The six of swords is a kind card, indicating a recovery from difficult times. Hope is on the horizon, things will get better. It’s important to rest, revitalize, and surround yourself with joyful friends. Plan a trip, short or long. Even getting out of town for the weekend will further lift your spirits.”
We’re currently planning a short trip to Philadelphia soon. It’s my cousin’s birthday so we’re planning on making a long weekend out of the trip. We may not go though. It’s still up in the air.
I do feel hope ahead though. In 2015, I personally accomplished a lot. It was a grueling year but miles better than previous year’s past. Even though it was sometimes maddeningly busy, it was fruitfully, pleasantly, productively busy. I was promoted and finished my Bachelor’s Degree. So it’s been a year of completing one goal while starting on another one. I think I’m starting to have myself set up so that I can have a really awesome 2016. Here’s hoping.
I do need to reach out to joyful friends, that’s for sure. I’m going to give myself the goal in early 2016 of establishing this pattern of getting up, exercising more, eating better, writing, and reading. As I’m saying this, I’m like “Okay, those are a lot of goals.” But I’m going to let myself establish this and then my next goal is to establish a pattern of putting myself out into the world friend-wise. I’ve really been falling down on that job.
The second card I selected is the X of Wands. This card is a lot less hopeful. There are ten wands all jumbled up in the dark. When I look at the wands, there is a distinct “X” shape in the center like as in “NO.” I think this is chaos and darkness.
Let’s see. The book says, “Burdens, Blockage, Difficulty.” “The ten of wands is a difficult card to face. Mental or physical burdens have been weighing on your spirit. Over time this leads to hopelessness and depression. You simply can’t “get through” to what you want. You cannot see the way. If this card appears in response to a person or situation it may be best to simply walk away. But if this card comes up frequently it indicates you are attracted to negativity. You choose to walk the hard road.”
I wouldn’t say that this card comes up “frequently” but I’ve noticed that it’s come up a few times when I’ve been aggravated about something in my life. I wouldn’t say that I am “attracted to negativity” necessarily (though it’s not totally untrue). I think that I’m a dweller because I’m an over thinker. When something bothers me, I can’t help but to lend my thoughts to it. That’s just human nature as far as I know. I’ve gotten better at “turning the dial” and trying to steer myself away from thoughts that are harmful and fruitless. It’s fine and normal to be annoyed. It’s human to let something get to you. It’s harmful to let intrusive thoughts take over your mind. That last part is where I used to live. I’d just cycle through the same bad things that happened to me over and over again. I’d relive all the bad parts of my life ad infinitum because, at the time, I was trying to make sense of it. It was too fresh and I was in it. When I decided to “turn the dial”, the quality of my life improved 1000%.
That said, “mental or physical burdens have been weighing” on my spirit. I need to get myself healthier and sometimes that’s frustrating for two reasons 1) that I let myself get to a point that I need to recover from and 2) fear that I don’t have what it takes to do it. So it IS a “blockage” and “difficulty” but I wouldn’t take the advice to “walk away” unless the card means literally “walk away” as in “walk your ass off, girl.” If that’s what they mean, okay fine. I KNOW.
The third card I selected is also nerve-wracking. It’s the III of Swords. Let me tell you guys something. I shuffled four times and picked all of these cards from different points in the deck. That these phalluses are all stacking up is pure metaphysical comedy. Looking at this card, I see three swords bound together with what, at first, looks like red ribbon. It’s not until you look down at the bottoms of all of the swords that you see the blood running off the tips. Guys, I think these are veins. This is disgusting. I hate blood, I hate veins, and I prefer to imagine that sweet raspberry jam is running through my body providing it with oxygen and pectin. The swords are in the following position: the short one is vertical in the center, it’s hilt looking like a talon; two longer swords criss-cross applesauce across the middle one, their hilts both different but similar and more standard-looking. This card makes me think of strength and dominance; I guess because they’re wrapped in someone else’s veins. However, if this were my sword and I won, I wouldn’t set about wrapping it in someone else’s veins. This kind of feels like whoever had this sword lost and then lost again. God it’s making me sick that I keep talking about veins.
The book says, “Betrayal, Heartbreak, Turmoil.” “A dark and complex card, the three of swords is rarely a welcomed sight. Its wrath may come in the form of lies, betrayal, cheating or heartbreak. There will be emotional entanglement and confusion. Do not try to make any decisions while in this state. Wait for your heart and spirit to mend.”
Okay, not great. Twice in two days I got cards about loss and betrayal. I’m going to choose to ignore this and keep on keepin’ on. After all, there is nothing I can do about this. Inherent in a betrayal is a violation done against you in secret and revealed to you once it’s set in stone. The reason a betrayal works is that you don’t see it coming from the person who perpetrates it. It’s a person who you trust which is how the betrayal is successful. The person keeps you in suspended happiness so they can get away with what they want to do and sometimes keep you there so that you can’t stop them from doing it again and again. If someone is doing this to me, I won’t know until it’s too late so I’ll put it out of my mind for now.
I know that there are some people who have betrayed me this year. They probably don’t know I know and if they know I do, probably don’t care. We haven’t discussed it but these are people who are betraying me to lift up their own reputation. For some reason, that’s the only way to get ahead so I pity that strategy. When that happens to me, I mostly just try to be the best me possible so that their criticism is hollow. It makes me feel better and makes them look petty. I’ve found that sinking to someone’s level feels worse and makes you look worse. The interesting thing is that when you don’t fight back, you see who your real friends are. The people who believe bullshit about you immediately because somebody else said it, those people are weak-minded anyway and would have eventually done you dirty. Stay away from those people. All the things that happen to you in your life have a lesson inherent within so long as you pay attention to it.
Anyway, I’m going to flit off and do…something. I have one more thing to say before I go and I’m putting it in a different post because it deserves it.