This morning


First, I want to say that I’m feeling annoyed and perfunctory. It’s Saturday morning and I’ve only had around 4 hours of sleep. I mean, really, I’m in a good mood. When I say “annoyed and perfunctory”, I mean about being up and writing. I’m trying to establish a new morning routine and to do that, I feel like I should just stick to it until it’s driven into my head like second nature. I don’t think that means that I have to get up and do the same thing every day forever or I’ll get burned out. I just think that I’m a person who responds to muscle memory more than anything else. For me to succeed at anything, I need to establish a baseline or a pattern and then be able to function mechanically without much hemming and hawing. Because I am a hemmer and a hater, this strategy has worked for me any time I’ve wanted to make a change to my life. Someone said to me recently, “If I don’t get up at 6am every day and go to the gym for one hour, I won’t ever go. It can’t be three days a week because then every day turns into the day you can skip and go tomorrow instead.” This really resonated with me because this woman has climbed Mount Kilimanjaro. She knows about willpower.

However, I did allow myself some concessions today. I didn’t walk on the treadmill first thing. I didn’t meditate (though I think I should). I just wanted to sit down with my coffee and start writing so I allowed myself to. Whenever I establish a new routine, I also like to stray from it sometimes to see how the change affects me. Plus, I figure, it’s Saturday. If I want to talk on the treadmill, I have all day. I know that’s against the idea of establishing a pattern but my body has been aching. I like the idea of giving it a bit of a rest. Anyway, after a week of waking up and hopping on the treadmill before writing, I let myself write first. You know what? I feel less peaceful. Walking on the treadmill sucks but it makes me feel good. When I added meditation, I felt even better and that feeling lasted all day. The only thing is, I need to stretch like crazy. I should take advantage of the yoga videos today. I could really use it.

By the way, I pulled three tarot cards today but for some reason, the post was giving me trouble; probably because I don’t feel like writing about that. I will, but I think I wanted to get this out first.

I think I’m also ruffled by this article by Julianne Smolinski. It’s about how smart, funny women (or men) get abused in relationships and learn to joke about it as a defense mechanism. It just mad me sad.


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