Today I accidentally pulled two cards: II of Wands and XX Judgement. The II of Wands is the card I intended to pull so I’m going to focus on that one. However, it’s interesting that XX Judgement showed up again, too.
II of Wands is a happy card. There are two wands coming together to meet at the point. Horizontal, colorful lines rise up the card in rainbow format ROY G. BIV style. When I look at this card, I feel a sense of contentment and excitement.
The book says “Determination, Direction.” “With the two of wands it’s clear you’re on your way to success. You’ve focused on a goal and have boldly pointed all efforts in that direction. Since the suit of wands deals heavily with the mind, take this time to become aware of your thought patterns, specifically towards yourself. What is the quality and tone of your thoughts? Mostly positive or negative? How well do you treat yourself on the journey to your highest dreams?”
I needed to read that today for a few reasons. I was doing so well on my health stuff until the holidays hit; specifically New Year’s and it just all went downhill these past few days. Because of this, I guess I’ve been feeling bad; like I’m not doing the right things. I had a bit of a reckoning with it last night and poured my heart out to Kristyn who made me feel a bit better. This morning I got up early, went on the treadmill, and now I’m writing this. I have “focused on a goal and have boldly pointed all efforts in that direction.” I just need to stay on this path.
See, the problem is that the “quality of my thoughts” is always ephemeral. I am too in the “right now.” I guess that’s sort of a good thing and it’s been something that I’ve been focusing on, like “what can I do right now instead of in one year/five years/ten years?” However, with a long-term health goal, I need to have the mindset that I’m in the middle of it; not at the beginning. In my mind, I’m always starting out and therefore trying to adopt a “we’ll see” attitude about it. I guess I have gone in full tilt boogie so many times that I feel like a failure in this area of my life. I’m not afraid of anyone else calling me out for failing again, I’m afraid of ME calling myself out. SO I think “I’m doing the best I can for right now.” I just have to keep going.
The second card I pulled is XX Judgement. It’s major arcana. I always point out Major Arcana because they are very important cards. It’s not like the Minor Arcana (Wands, Cups, Swords, Pentacles) are not important cards but they’re part of a suit and each suit denotes…something. (I’m not there with my education yet.) The major arcana cards are individuals and therefore significant in a reading.
Anyway, I pulled XX Judgement yesterday. If I remember correctly, it’s about forgiveness and letting go of pettiness; literally “rising above it.” there is a dove rising above the masses on this card. She IS strength and internal cleanliness.
The book says “Forgiveness.” “The word “judgement” conjures up fear and guilt in many people. This card, however, concerns itself with another aspect of this word…it’s about seeking truth. No more blaming yourself or others, no more excuses. Now is the time for forgiveness and personal freedom. This card asks you to rise up, let pettiness and fear fall below you. Expand your wings and be reborn. What a relief it will be.”
Today I take this card on the “personal freedom” aspect. As I discussed above, I’m trying to make permanent changes to my life, which is never easy but always worth it. If I let go of petty fears and forgive myself (aka let go of negative self-doubt), it’ll be simpler for me to “be reborn.” In other words, I have to get out of my head for a while each day and into my body. I’m like a brain dragging a body around, not a body dragging a brain around. I am not really connected to my body in any particular way. I need to make that a major goal for 2016. The goal is not “weight loss” (although that will be an end result). The goal is “connect to my body.” I’ll do this through cooking and exercising.
The other goal is to “feed my brain.” Right now, I’m coming out of a school hangover. Since I’ve graduated, I can’t allow myself to read for pleasure. I’ve been just scanning the internet and reading all sorts of blather. I need to get back to feeding my brain with books and creative pursuits. It’s true that I want to connect to my body more, but I can’t do that at the expense of my brain. There are just too many books I want to read (and write). I’ll leave this here to think about. I have to go get ready for work and I’m 15 minutes behind schedule!
P.S. On Saturday night, we went to Alison’s house for pizza and then brought her, Jeff, and Alec to see Grandma’s Ashes at UCB. We had fun and it was nice to all go out together. I’m not sure we’ll be able to drag them out to UCB again but it was nice to do it that time. Maybe we’ll do something more local next time like the movies. That would be really fun to do. Me and Kristyn have been slacking on getting out of the house this year although we saw Sleater-Kinney four times (and had five tickets) (another story for another time). We also saw Amanda Palmer this year but we didn’t do much else in the way of “getting out.”