I miss LA and Buberella!

The Lanai

No matter what, I can’t quit Buberella (the blog). I keep starting new blog identities (blogdentities) and they just aren’t right. I started reading over this blog and I haven’t gotten far but boy do I miss LA and this blog.

LA! Why did we leave LA? Well, I know why we left LA and I think we 100% did the right thing but when I read this blog I think “WHY DID WE LEAVE LA?!” I’m rose-tinted glassing this bitch because LA was chock full of tough times. When I read back on the posts in 2011 (there’s where I’m up to in the re-read), it’s just like “I ate this, I had a stressful day at work that I can’t tell you about, Kristyn worked, we watched tv, I’m waiting for something and why won’t it happen?” The thing I was waiting for was whether or not I was going to be hired. I wasn’t. When I finally got the courage to ask if they’d hire me as full-time, my boss went to HR to see if that was possible. What they told her was that there was a potential that we’d have layoffs because of a corporate merger. We didn’t necessarily think my job was in danger because I worked in TV and the company we were merging with was film. Alas, first in first out. I was a temp and that meant I had to go. I really didn’t want to spend more years in LA; jobless and fretting. I wanted to move on with my life and come home to family and friends. I wanted to live somewhere that I had baked-in connections and a fruitful job economy. I wanted to come home. Kristyn was all in because she was extremely homesick. I hadn’t been until the last few months we were there. Honestly, we’d already discussed coming home even if I wasn’t laid off. When I was laid off though, we just decided to move on. We came back home which was a series of stressful events. Still, it’s the best thing I’ve done in recent years so I’m glad.

What I miss is the exploratory nature of being in LA. You can’t just move cross-country and not feel like an adventurer. The smallest things felt like momentous occasions. We were so easily impressed and pleased. This was partially because we had a rough time financially when we were out there so any little luxury felt huge. Being able to afford tacos or go to the movies felt so out of our reach that it was a major treat. I had started the blog series in LA optimistically because that was how I felt. As my optimism waned, so grew the feeling that portraying it in a positive manner was disingenuous. I started telling the dark side of it. But when I shared that, I got lashes from people I knew who felt that I was “too lucky” to “complain”. I couldn’t win for losing so I started sharing without really sharing; aka only sharing the most surface details. Doing that was a bummer for me and it became less fun to blog. Eventually I just stopped as you can see.

Then when we came home, I was much too busy to blog anything. I also was afraid of posting anything on the internet that I didn’t want everyone I knew to read. I still grapple with that fear. I vacillate between being fearless and fearful.

I think I want to bring this blog back again. If I do, I’ll still share personal stuff. However, I think I’ll use it to talk about my interests with some personal stuff mixed in.

Anyway, we can do just as much exploring and adventuring here than we did in LA; maybe even more. Our area has so many things you can do. We don’t take nearly enough advantage of it. I need to wake up. I feel like I’ve been hibernating in an underground cave for a long time. I’m squinting into the sunbeam like “WTF I was sleeping!”

We drove to Brooklyn to see Sleater-Kinney at the Kings Theater last week. We drove through lower Manhattan on the way home and it was the first time I’ve been there for a while. After living in LA, driving to NYC is a dirge. Traveling there at all is a dirge. In LA, you can drive anywhere you want and park for $5 and get your car valeted. In NY, you drive in bumper to bumper traffic with everyone cutting you off then yelling at YOU and then you get to pay $50 to park your own damn car for four hours. It’s madness.

BUT we don’t have kids right now. We should take advantage of that while we still have time. I want to have kids within the next year or so and once that happens, it’ll be time to hunker down for a while again. This means that 2016 is the year of possibility. Okay fine, the only things I miss about LA are our friends, tacos, our pool, Cinespia, vegetarian food, LACMA, our apartment, the lanai, and Universal. That’s a lot of things I guess. Maybe we’re due for a trip there this year.

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