I know this is boring for LITERALLY EVERYONE BUT ME but I am the blog mistress so you’re just going to have to hear (see) me out. Here are my blog stats for right now at 9:54 am PST. For my family and friends it is 1pm EST. Now THIS is more like it. I haven’t posted anything today. These are the leftover stragglers who didn’t read stuff yesterday. This is what my blog traffic should look like. Once I post something the numbers will shoot up a bit because there are all sorts of alerts you can get to follow blogs. I don’t know them all but I’m sure many people use them.

This, though modest, is what it looked like yesterday. Ya know what? I’m going to show you a graph of what my blog readership actually looks like over the past few weeks so you can see more clearly the wonkiness of what’s been going on.

Here is kind of a small graph. I don’t know why you can’t click it and make it bigger. BUT, all the way to the left, in tiny print are numbers. They go “0”, “50”, “100”, “150”, “200” in ascending scale. This is a month of my blog hits so you are seeing the very end of April and the entire month of May until today, May 26th. You can see where it starts out lowish, then gets inordinately very high and then ever since I mentioned it, peters off lower and lower and lower until there are 13 hits this morning. The past week, I’d get in and without even posting anything there’d be like 70 hits already.

And I’m sorry if I embarrassed anyone or drove anyone away. I’m not worried about REAL PEOPLE. I’m not cool enough or sexy enough or rich enough to have a stalker. And I know from my own blog-reading habits that when I’m bored, sometimes I’ll check the same blogs twice because I am looking to kill time and hope they’ve posted something. I also know that when a blog posts daily, you are more likely to check back often because there is more chance of a reward. I have some blogs that I LOVE but I’ve abandoned because the posting was too infrequent. And there are blogs that I’m kinda “meh-ish” about but they post err’day so I check’m err’day because there are 24 hours in my day and some of them NEED to be wasted yo! But it seems like I’ve spooked the robot off, if it is a robot, so that’s good. I mean if it is a PERSON, PLEASE COME BACK. To anyone who’s all “Oh shit she KNOWS who I am!” No I do not. You are anonymous and there is no way to track who you are because of internet safety standards. So please, come back and do not feel judged.

Look, I don’t put anything on this blog (usually) that I do not want anyone to know. If you think you know my whole life based on what I put on here, you are squarely wrong. My life is more awesome and more terrible than what I put on this blog haha. But some things are just not for public consumption and I’ve learned that as I’ve gone along. There are times when I’m going to say “Fuck it” and slap something up here because it is funny to me or because I am pissed off or upset or whatever. I might retreat and take that post down. Or I might leave it up figuring that this is my truth so who cares? The point is, I don’t especially like reading super scrubbed up blogs void of humanity. I READ THEM but I get pissed. I don’t need to know everyone’s dirt nor do I think people should be required to air their dirty laundry on a platform. BUT sometimes when I’m reading blogs that are like, “Everything’s great! Life is cute! Don’t you like my dress! Let’s have a cupcake! Want to see a totally photoshopped picture of me looking perfect? Buy my products!”…I’m like “UGH”. There’s on particular popular blog that I confess, I read all the time, that is like this. I read the blog for creative inspiration, or at least I used to. Now it’s devolved into model shoots of this girl looking perfect all the time. DO NOT TELL ME YOU DO NOT HAVE A DOUBLE CHIN.

The point is, I realize that part of the draw of reading blogs is to be a silent observer and judge. I know some of you bitches are juding the way I look, the choices I make, my words, my LIFE. I just can’t care about that. Blogging is, for sure, a weird hobby to those who don’t do it. Why would you willingly open up the details of your life to an audience of judgers? I ask myself that sometimes too. BUT I also feel like the positives outweigh the negatives. I’ve been told by a lot of people that they feel like they know me better from this blog than from real life. That they’ve learned things about me they wouldn’t have otherwise known ie. they’ve realized we have more in common than they thought ie. I’ve made a real friend out of someone simply by being myself in this little corner of the internet. Also, I feel like this blog is a good record of my life. It is a good touchstone for me to take store of the positives and negatives going on. To store pictures in a narrative and remember what was happening. And this posting a picture every day business is kind of an interesting habit. I hope, at the end, I have one year of my life perfectly preserved. And it’s a year with a lot of change so it will be interesting to look back on later.

Anyway, I’m going on. I have to go get coffee and I have stuff to do. I didn’t mean to get on a tangent about this shit. Okay later!

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