Day One Hundred and Forty-seven

Yesterday, on Facebook, I categorized the day as “Busy”, “Quick” and “Farty”. “Farty” because, I don’t know, it was just farty. Like it was a good day and a busy day and a quick day but it just kind of was also annoying. You ever have something and someone decides out of the blue that they WANT IT and the best way to go about having it is like DESTROYING YOU to have it? That is what’s going on. I mean it’s fine because homey don’t play that but it’s just disappointing. Whatever happened to working hard to get what you want and let the best man win? You know I’ve been working hard all my life, got my first job when I was 14. And in every single job I’ve had, I’ve tried to do a good job and tried to get ahead. But I have never tried to get ahead by trying to steamroll over someone else. Oh, I’ve definitely missed out on opportunities this way. The high road doesn’t get you everywhere. There have been a LOT of people in my life who have successfully stepped on my neck. And it sucks but you roll with it and you keep working hard because what else is there? If I don’t like a job or if there’s no upward mobility, I leave and find a new job. I am NOT one of those people who’d rather languish in a job they don’t like because it’s comfortable. I HATE starting new jobs. I’m SO SHY around people I don’t know. I hate starting over as much as the next guy but what I hate more than that is stagnation. So I try to work hard and be nice and learn stuff and when it becomes clear to me that there isn’t anything else I want to do, I don’t try to step on someone else’s neck to get their job. Instead I spruce up my resume and hit the bricks. So I don’t know, it just will always surprise me what lengths someone will go to put you down when it takes the same amount of energy to be nice and to do your work. It takes the same amount of energy and courage to come up with a nasty comment and then say it to someone as it does to come up with something nice to say and then say it to someone. I’d much rather complement someone on a picture on their desk or have a friendly chat with someone than engage in put-downs. I mean the good thing is that I’ve been through this with people a thousand times before so I’m not like SHOCKED. I know that people who do this sort of thing are insecure in their position and feeling threatened. No one competes with someone they feel they dominate. You compete with someone you want to “take out”, someone who has potential to knock “you” out. So in a weird way, I suppose I should be flattered that I’m considered a worthy opponent right? Haha.

I guess I’m just sad at humanity when stuff like this happens. Like it’s WORK. Even if you love your job (and I do), being home with your loved ones is far preferable to being at work. So my theory is this: If we all know that we’d rather be somewhere else and the workday is long and the week is long and we all have to see each other on a regular, why not say “Good morning!”? Why not be pleasant? Why not try to be nice? It’s less stressful for all parties, no?

I guess also, I’m just sick and tired of being dragged into someone else’s shit. I always, always, always end up as “part of the problem” even though I’m technically “mindin my own bidness”. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t. When someone targets you are their “mortal nemesis” even if it’s just because they find you annoying, you are dragged into “drama”. Your name is suddenly part of and attached to “drama”. Even if you are staying still and that person is carrying on, that person is carrying on “at” you and suddenly it’s perceived that there must be a “reason” why that person is carrying on “at” you. And you mustn’t ever “get upset” either because if you do, you’re “feeding the drama”. So you ARE minding your bidness, and you AREN’T trying to piss anyone off, and you ARE trying to be friendly but you DO have something that someone else wants and they ARE angry that you have it and now they ARE irrationally mad at you and now they WILL try to discredit you and now you DO have a problem on your hands because they WON’T stop until you get pissed and when you DO get pissed, now you’re part of “drama”. But the reality is that the person will totally keep going until you are part of drama and I know that because I have tried the “I’ll forever take the higher road” thing with people and you just can never win because now they’re mad that you took the higher road, that just means they have to bring it harder. So, in essence, you cannot get this monkey off your back UNTIL you crack unless you want to be tortured until the day you die by this person who just will not break down and hire a psychotherapist for themself, haha.

IDFK guys, IDFK. *sigh*

Anyway, here’s a picture of me all riled up and trying to nap. I had a coffee at 6pm which is strictly against the rules for me. The rule is: No coffee after 3pm if you want to sleep at night. I had one at 6pm and look at those wild eyes. Those are the eyes of a child who wants you to read ten more books to them before they’ll pretend to go to sleep.

Other than all that kidinky dust, yesterday was kind of blah-ish. Very busy day at work, drove home, ate dinner, watched 30 Rock, Kristyn worked at the animal hospital, I picked her up at 12, HUGE RIDICULOUS LA DETOURS made the day extra-farty. Fin!

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