I also want to add, that although I come off like a martyr, I am not one (yes I am). I have been putting as much thought into “what part of this is my fault” as well. Well no, “What part of this is my responsibility?” I mean, not EVERYTHING can be someone else’s fault? What part of situations like this am I causing? And I look at my behavior and I don’t really see any rudeness. Like I’m trying to be polite and accomodating. When someone lets me know they’d rather me not talk to them by insinuating it, I respect that and retreat (for the most part, unless it’s with someone I care about and I don’t want to leave it like that). When I offer my hand of friendship and someone declines, I take it in stride. I don’t know that they’re “declining me”, maybe they’re just busy. Basically I put myself in their shoes. I know I’ve kind of held back with people in my life either because I happen to be busy or because I’m going through something or because I’m shy or whatever, a million reasons. And I’m very conscious of the fact that what if I am imagining things because MY POSITION ISN’T SECURE? What if I am reading too far into things and assuming the worst about someone who has good intentions? But my GUT tells me not to trust this person. And my GUT, when I listen to it, never fails me.
Also, I made a mistake yesterday and this person muttered “Ha…ha…” under their breath. Haha. So yeah. It’s called detective work people.
Just thought I’d clarify this so you’re not all, “Well isn’t she just perfect?” Like obviously I AM perfect but I just didn’t want you to think that I am. I’m modest y’alls.