A Heart Attack in a Mug

I am currently eating my complimentary minion bagel (everything-ish with scallion cream cheese OMG) and a giant mug of a coffee called “Jet Fuel”. If the phones were ringing, I’d be answering the SHIT out of them.

Give me fifteen minutes for this coffee to kick in and I’m going to exhaust everyone with my marathon filing skills. It’s a good thing the office is empty because I’m going to be filing while telling stories to myself and chuckling at my own punchlines. But this is showbiz. If ever there was a place to file legal records while making a one man stage show out if it, it’s here. (Not really.)

Two things:

1) You’d THINK I’d had more than two sips of this coffee already but then you’d be wrong. I’m just high on the holiness of getting a half day off on Good Friday.

2) Make fun of my mug and I’ll cut you. I thrifted that guy and though the sentiment isn’t necessarily one that would make me buy a mug full price, it IS one I’d be motivated to buy for approximately a dollar to jazz up my desk (especially when I know it’s full retail price is $15 at Barnes and Noble). And before you slap me for thrifting a mug: Whatever I don’t care.

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