Raunchy Oprah

There's no part of this picture I don't love.

Lately I’ve been having really vivid dreams. Last night I had this really long dream where I went to a garage sale in someone’s house. I went to buy two dresses and the family that was running the sale was really cool and friendly. The dresses were really pretty vintage dresses from the 60’s and about my size. One had a little stain on it. When I went to pay, the woman kind of wouldn’t let me leave. She wouldn’t let me pay and took one of the dresses from me. I said, “Fine if you don’t want to sell it, that’s cool, just let me pay for the other one.” She took my money but held onto one of the dresses and wouldn’t give me change. I had to get out of there because I needed to go to work. I had intended to go to the garage sale, come home, shower and then go to work. It was already past the time I was supposed to be at work, so I was like, “Fine I’m going.” Then she gave me the dress and I left.

I guess I didn’t care about my job because I decided to keep shopping. I walked down a main drag which I think was Kearny Ave and went into a shop. Inside there were all these 60’s Go Go dancers and it was decorated like Laugh In inside. It was a furniture store. It was pretty cool in there so I decided to look for bedsheets. When I got to that section, Oprah was there hosting some kind of event sale. She started talking to me and was REAL raunchy. Talking about how she always has safe sex and kind of just being the Oprah you NEVER get to see. I was so riveted but still kind of distractedly looking for bedsheets. Midway through talking to her, I realized that I knew she was gonna be there because I WORKED there. Her sleeve came up a little and she had a tattoo on her forearm. That was when my boss came up. I guess he forgot I had to work OR thought I was there to work OR was caught up in the excitement of Raunchy Oprah being there because he didn’t seem to notice or care that I’d mistakenly blown off my shift. I was trying to figure out what to do next when Kristyn bellowed:

COLEEN!!!!! WAKE!!!!! UP!!!!!

Then I told her the entire convoluted story and she barely pretended to pay attention though she’s told me some whoppers of convoluted stories in the past. Haha.

Anyway, here is my favorite YouTube Oprah video. This shit never gets old for me. Also, how do you work for OWN? I want to work for Oprah.

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