The Jerri Blank Chronicles


Guys, I realized today that when I start school in the fall, I will turn into Jerri Blank.  Before I get into that, let me tell you what my plans are.

I have been banging my head against the damn wall trying to get hired out here and it is just NOT WORKING.  The other day I looked through pictures on Facebook from this time last year and I seemed so lighthearted and excited to be here. I was in the exact same position that I am right now (although I was winding down my internship at Lionsgate) but I was still inspired and having a good time.  I lost a really great job opportunity this fall and it really seriously zapped me of all of my confidence. The scenario was kind of a nightmare situation because I’d pinned all my hopes on it and we needed me to get hired to that job so bad.  So that loss kind of set off six months of just total defeat.

You know how sometimes you look through old pictures or smell a perfume you used to wear or read an old letter and you are transported to the feelings you felt at that time?  Like an internal change happens and you are right back in that mindset for a moment?  Looking back at those pictures from last year placed me in that positive headspace for a minute and I realized that I haven’t had fun in a VERY LONG TIME.

SO. I have decided to just have a good time. I’m in LA, I have some stuff going on that’s positive, I’m with my favorite person in the world and if everything goes the way I plan it to, I’m going to be starting school again in the fall. I did my FAFSA and due to my salary of “0 dollars and o cents per year”, I will likely be awarded grants to pay for my tuition and books, as will Kristyn. After all this bellyaching, we might get inexpensive tuitions due to the economy sucking and me not being able to find work! Could be a blessing in disguise.  Also, when I was in school before, work was always my top priority. I couldn’t focus on school because I had to bring in the ducats. Now, if my grants/scholarships/loans cover tuition, books and living, I can continue to live cheap and focus 100% on FINALLY getting my Bachelor’s Degree. Also, the school we want to go to has a pretty extensive Work/Study Program so I might be able to get a good job with them considering that I have a ton of varied work experience.

All of that being said, I have about six months before any of this stuff begins and a LOT of time to fill. I’m going to keep on keepin on with the job search but I’m going to demote the amount of worry that job hunting takes up in the hard drive that is my mind. It has seriously paralyzed me and I don’t do ANYTHING but sit on the damn couch, job hunt, worry and watch tv anymore and it’s not good for me.

SO, I have come up with a plan.  It might work and it might not. I’m going to try to do more Extra Work.  I know that after the Desperate Housewives thing I said those days were behind me but after doing some research online, I’ve found that it’s extremely rare to have Central Casting call you and they’ve called me like four times.  What’s even more rare is for them to offer you a SAG card up front.  They’ve offered me one every time they’ve called me. Guys, I have no acting experience WHATSOEVER.  BUT if I can get a SAG card, I can up my Extra salary exponentially and be given opportunities for all different sorts of things.  The problem is that we are registered with Central Casting but find it bothersome to have to call them all the time.  They want you to call them three times a day for updates but the phone is busy half the time and it would take you all damn day to get booked for even one job.  SO what people do is hire a “Management Company” aka Calling Service to book stuff for you and this is what I’m going to do, at least for a month or two.  All of my hobbies are the sort of shit you do while sitting down and remaining quiet, both of these are key qualities in an Extra, the ability to sit down, shut up and wait for someone to give you your orders.  BOOM, that’s all I do all damn day anyway, might as well do it on a set while making some money.

So that’s what I am going to try to do from here to September.  Maybe I can network and meet some people on sets or do some Stand-In work, which pays more.  Honestly I’m not real motivated to see my mug on-screen but all money is green and I still haven’t been on the Paramount Lot yet. *fingers crossed*

Back to Jerri. Over breakfast today, I realized that when I go back to school, I am going to BE Jerri Blank (from Strangers with Candy for the uninitiated). I will be going to school as a college Junior and therefore mixing with people who are 20 and 21 AKA my little brother’s age.  I am going to be doing work study hopefully and may end up all mixed up in their drama, their lives, their work, etc, etc, etc.  Here is the opening for Strangers With Candy.  Jerri Blank is explaining her situation to you:

Hello. I’m Jerri Blank, and I’m a forty-six year-old high school freshman. For thirty-two years I was a teenage runaway. I was a boozer, a user and a loser. My friends were dealers, cons and eighteen-karat pimps. But now, I’m out of jail, picking up my life exactly where I left off. I’m back in high school, living at home and discovering all sorts of things about my body. I’m finding out that though the faces have changed, the hassles are just the same.

So basically I will be an aged 20 year old.  In September I turn 32. (Which is not old by any stretch but to my 20 year old “peers”? That’s old age.)  So my first round of being age 20 was me fooling around.  I worked full time, went to school full time and partied full time.  My friends were NOT dealers, cons and eighteen-karat pimps nor did I go to the pokey but essentially I will be reliving my 20’s at least for the next two years in that I will not have a traditional full-time job, will be spending a lot of time with 20 year olds and will be a full-time student.  BUT hopefully when that is all done, I will finally be able to get credit in the straight world and get a real goddamn J-O-B.

In actuality, it’s kind of cool that I’m getting this opportunity to do this because five years ago this is what I wanted for myself and now it’s here because I have no other choice so what I need to do is just be happy about it already and stop the goddamn pity party!  And anyway, all my life, everything has always come to me when I wasn’t looking for it.  Nothing I’ve ever TRIED HARD to get has ever ever ever come to me.  Anything I’ve ever gotten for real has come to me with the following combination:

1) Trying a lot of different things.
2) Which leads me to meet a bunch of different people.
3) Which creates connections.
4) Being curious about a lot of different stuff.
5) Working hard.
6) Taking opportunities as they come.

So essentially the best stuff that’s ever happened in my life has happened because I was prepared for a lot of different things and took opportunities as they arose.  SO, if I continue to try out new stuff, I will open doors to opportunity without even realizing it thus setting off a chain reaction of accomplishments that lead me to places I didn’t necessarily set off going to but worked out in the end.

Speaking of which, I have some things I gotta do.  TTYL yo.

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