Kristyn has been a nervous nelly lately because she can’t get me to talk. Well let me back up. Typically I am a motormouth and Kristyn is not so much of a motormouth. I mean the girl talks but she prefers that I do the talking. If you’ve ever wondered why Kristyn and I work so well it’s definitely because she hates to talk and I have to. She does her fair share of talking and I do my fair share of listening but our individual carnal needs are for her to be quiet and for me to babble. Neither of us know why.
To that end, Kristyn has been getting increasingly crazed lately because I never have anything to talk about. She said to me the other day, “Coleen I have a problem. You never talk about anything anymore and therefore I don’t feel like you’re not there. I wish there was a way I could crawl into a pocket inside your abdomen for a half hour a day to know what was going on in there.” And I said, “Well, what is there for me to talk about really? The websites I go on to job hunt? How many stripes I crocheted on my blanket? What happened on all of the TV shows I’ve watched that you haven’t seen yet? What things the cats ate that they shouldn’t have? See it’s all very boring the first time and I don’t want to have to relive it when you get home. You don’t even want to hear about it now right?” So Kristyn said, “No, you’re right I don’t. But that was kind of fun.” We are losing it dudes, haha.
I need a j-o-b and quickly. I realized that the only people I ever talk to with my mouth are Kristyn, a guy named Michael that I call weekly about a job that I want, sometimes my landlord and my Grandmas once every two weeks or so. Oh and the CATS. I alternate between baby talking at those dudes or holleration. Last night Kristyn took my purse off the bed and put it on top of the printer. The cats knocked that shit down and went through it. I got up this morning to find Monster ever-so-gently biting holes through my last pair of headphones. All of my headphones either stopped working on their own or have met this same fate. *sigh*
Oh and I thought you should know, I am now on the dole. I wasn’t going to mention it because, well, it’s really embarrassing and something I thought I’d never ever have to do. I’ve been contemplating whether or not to talk about this here but I don’t believe in living in the shadows so there it is. Like Kristyn’s Dad said, “You guys want to live there? Well now you have to fight for it.” He also said, “Don’t feel bad about this because it’s something you paid for. If you had put all that money you paid into welfare all these years into the bank, you’d have more money than what you’ll ever get from it.” And that’s true. I just want to get off it as soon as possible. I actually wish that I’d done it sooner. The only reason why I didn’t is because they have these tests online and they all said I wouldn’t be able to get any aid. We just went down there last week on a whim and I was approved. It’s going to help a lot. What is the most exciting thing is that I might actually be able to get a job out of this. There is a work program element of it that I have to do and I think they try to get you jobs that you WANT to have so that you will stay in the job. I mean I’ll take what I can get but it would be awesome if I got a good job from this. Who knows? Like my sister said, “Well you can just chalk this up to another life experience!” Haha.
So I have to go there four times a week and check in and job hunt. That’s what I’ve been doing all last week and all this week, going to appointments with case workers, etc. One thing that startled me was how many NORMAL people were there. I mean SO MANY people are out of work. But the other thing that startled me was how geared these programs are for people with felonies and arrests and stuff like that. I mean my first meeting was full of advice about legal help and stuff. And my case worker yesterday was, I think, pleasantly surprised that I’d never collected before, had no diseases, was ready to work, did not have a drug problem, did not have any court hearings or drug problems or mental illnesses to speak of. It just kind of made me sad for people who HAVE these problems how often they end up scraping the bottom of the barrel like this. It made me thankful for my position. It also scared me. I don’t want my life to be in ruins. This LA thing has been WAY HARDER than we ever imagined. So sometimes I worry if we’ve made a big mistake. BUT sometimes you have to accept our lot, accept the hand of help that is reaching out to you, swallow your pride and fall in line. This is one of those times for me. So, wish me luck! It’s just a weird time for me because I have had a job since I was fourteen years old. The ONLY times I didn’t have a job were six months in senior year of high school and then six months in 2001 and then this year. But even this year, I was at Lionsgate for eight months interning and then at SU2C for two months so I wasn’t TOTALLY at home and unconnected to the world. STILL, although I hate the life sentence of working as much as the next guy, I cannot just stay at home like this. It’s boring and it effects your self-esteem in a really bad way. Luckily I am good at keeping myself afloat so my day to day isn’t so bad, just frustrating.
Anyway, that’s that. Maybe this whole “on the dole” scenario will at least give me things to tell Kristyn. You KNOW I’m bound to have some “interesting interactions” now that this is going on. *sigh*
P.S. Here are some screen caps from Buffy. They made me chuckle and I was an LA Music Blog widow so making these gave me something to do haha. Just play along with my captions, ai’ight?