Expletives to follow…

If you’re squeamish or one of my Grandmothers, please avert your pristine eyeballs.

*********** *

I used to have a friend who used blurt out the following phrases when annoyed:

1) “Shit and fuck.”
2) “Motherfuckers in hell.”

When I asked her what they meant and why she said them, she just said, “Well sometimes one curseword doesn’t fit the situation. Sometimes you need an extra.” Can’t argue with logic like that.

And guys, today was a full on “Shit and Fuck” and/or “Motherfuckers in hell” type situation. It was one of those days where nothing can go mothercrunking right. It was one of those days where you are in constant motion, you are sweating, you are frustrated, the jobs keep piling up, frowns are being flashed at you and other people’s eyeballs are rolling around their heads because you’re working hard but not getting anything done because electronic devices such as scanners, DVD burners, slow computers and IT departments are dark-sided. And there’s no one to blame. It was just the perfect storm of fuckery that kept me perspiring and muttering “Are you kidding me?” to yet another source of aggravation under my breath all day. And it’s over. I’m home, thank god.

But after all of that frustration, on the way home, I felt accomplished and that’s what’s important I suppose.

But I guess I’m burying the lead. I got both a job and an internship! I started the internship three weeks ago and the job just this week. So I am halfway through my first week of fully re-entering the workforce. I’m glad to have a reason to shower first thing in the morning again but I’m not mentally or physically used to getting up and going to work anymore.

HOLY SHIT. It’s August 26th!!! If I’m not mistaken, August 26, 2009 was my last day at my job in NJ. So it took a full year for me to find a job that wasn’t an internship or temporary. On this day last year, I tied up some loose ends, trained some people, took one last picture of my desk and got on the PATH Train. I had to switch trains at Grove Street, as usual. I had all of my belongings from my desk with me. As soon as I got on the train at Grove Street, this man kind of zoomed up and stood in front of me. I wasn’t paying attention because I was reading “Harry Potter”. Suddenly the train conductor marched up and started SCREAMING at the guy in front of me. He said, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING? JUST WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!” I was like, “Me?!” And he said, “NO THIS CLOWN!!! BACK UP OFFA HER! YOU HEARD ME! BACK THE FUCK UP OFFA HER!!!” The man didn’t say a word. I looked from the conductor to the man and back again and the man moved away. I mean this was a mothercrunkin SCENE and everyone was watching. The train was actually still in motion. So when we pulled into Harrison station, I asked the conductor what had happened. He didn’t say but he said the didn’t like the way that guy zoomed straight up to me when I got on. And he didn’t like how close that guy was standing to me. I thanked him and walked down to the street. OF COURSE my last trip on the PATH for that job ended like that. The PATH was a constant source of fuckockery for the entire two and a halfish years I worked at Wiley. I was always getting yelled at or sweated on or sang to or some kind of shit. So it seemed appropriate that my last trip out of Hoboken should end with a holleration, a creepy man and a hero conductor. Thanks guy.

Anyway, I have some pictures I want to post but I think I’ll put them on another post. I doubt you’re even paying attention anymore.

2 thoughts on “Expletives to follow…

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