Foodstuffs

Because I am “between opportunities”, I have become the de facto Roseanne Barr in this house (don’t call me Donna Reed or I’ll slap you).  This means that at any moment you walk in the house, you will catch me doing one one of the following things:

1) Cracking wise.
2) Doing dishes.
3) Washing clothes in the sink like a 1920’s pilgrim.
4) Watching “The Jersey Shore” (see above).
5) Lovingly hand-painting portraits of the Golden Girls (don’t hate).
6) Yes, applying to jobs.
7) COOKING, COOKING, COOKING.
8) Serving food to all the mammal-folk that live in our domicile.

In NJ, I was the one mainly responsible for all food-oriented ventures but it has kicked into high gear here in SoCal because Kristyn is always in a rush to scurry into or out of the door and money is always an issue.  SO, rather than buying quick fix meals or ordering out (as we were wont to do at home), it is up to me to purchase something called “ingredients” and then compile them into something recognizable as “food”.

Because Kristyn works nights, our hours are all screwy. She doesn’t get home until 1 or 2am and naturally, I wait up for her to make sure she gets home alright. So we don’t go to sleep until 2 or 3am because she’s usually starving. I make her something, we sit and watch a lil TV and pass out. SO we don’t usually get up until 10 or 11am. She doesn’t have to leave for work until 1 or 2pm depending on the day. SO our major meal is breakfast. And we eat a big breakfast every day because that’s the meal we’re both here for to eat together. For the rest of the day we just eat PB&J’s or something.

All that being babbled, we are TIRED of breakfast. And so one day Kristyn asked me if I could make her a veggie facon burger haha. So we made that, mashed potatoes, corn and ate it for breakfast with our morning coffee at noon. Haha.

Another thing I learned to make recently is Home Fries. Guys, I know it is not difficult to make Home Fries but before LA, Home Fries were something a bitch bought at the diner.  No need to learn how to make them at home when someone can make’m for you.  WELL, we are forever and a day trying to find ways to stretch our duckets out here and potatoes are cheap and filling.  SO, I looked it up online and it turns out that all you have to do to make Home Fries is chop them up, throw them in a pan with some butter (or veganized version of butter), season to taste and wait for them to get soft.  BAM, diner-style home fries.  Depending on how many potatoes I use, that’s how many tablespoons of butter I put in the pan, maybe a little less.  And I chop them up thin-like so they’ll get softer faster.  Also I leave the skins on because rumor has it that that’s where all the “nutrients” live.  Whatever, they taste good.  You’re welcome.

Another main food staple of our life in LA is good old Peanut Butter.  Don’t you even say the word “diabetes” or I will hunt you down like a dog and kill you.  We have always been PB fans but in LA, we work PB into everything.  For a while our food bill was coming out too large and we tried to harken back to what we ate when we lived at Disney.  “Ah, PB&J” we said.  What you are looking at below is a graveyard of empty PB jars.  We prefer the reduced fat version.  So good.

The other day we went to Target and our eyes went wide.  We found an incredibly large VAT of Peanut Butter.  This picture doesn’t even really show the actual size difference between the jars.  When I took this picture, I was trying to get a shot of the untouched surface of the jar because my sister Christine likes looking at it.  Whenever I open a jar of peanut butter, I snap a picture and send it to her.  This exercise is half “Hey Christine, I know you like this!” and half Clockwork Orange.  You know that scene where they tape his eyes open and play classical music while making him look at violent pictures so that he won’t like classical music anymore?  I’m sure that there will come a day that someone shows her an unblemished jar of peanut butter and she runs screaming.  Whatever, we’ll see.

 And perhaps our most important food news is that the West Hollywood Target got a produce section!!! Guys, it is miraculous. Target has done it again y’alls. So much selection, so many foods we wanted to cram down our piggy little mouth holes…oh happy day!

And so I guess that’s all I wanted to tell you about food in LA.  If we had two nickels to rub together, “the avocado” would certainly be rearing its head in this post.  We had to give them up recently though *sads*.  We miss you, you little green devil!

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