Guys, I’m sure you already know this but I’m going to bore you with it anyway because “my need to bore you” > “my concern with your boredness”.  Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

Anyway, we went to see “Twilight: New Moon” last night (we like to stay on the cutting edge). I felt like the movie was ai’ight. Kristyn suggested that maybe it would have been more exciting if we’d seen it WHEN it came out rather thank like three months later and I concur, haha. I mean it was nice not to have anyone be in the theater but note to selves:

The fun of these movies is the hype. Go when there’s hype dummies.

Now I’ve read these books and Kristyn hasn’t. So to Kristyn, the story is brandy-new, all surprises. I like to read and I’m also a movie-lover so I always end up embroiled in the “read the book first and now I hate the movie” quagmire. I can always enjoy a book AFTER I’ve seen the movie but never the other way around. The movie just never manages to capture the book. The first movie I like a HELLUVA lot better than the book, which is something that NEVER happens. In reality, I read all the books but didn’t like them. Oh sure, they’re page-turners alright but I was furious the entire time I was reading them. More on that later.

So the first movie, I really enjoyed because the acting was terrible, Edward Cullen was hot and I liked the cinematography. It was reminiscent of like the bad acting in an 80’s movie. Like the film maker knows the acting sucks but releases it anyway bc “Who cares we’re all trying to have a good time!” Things are so fucking POLISHED nowadays that although it leads to things being awesome a lot of the time, I kind of found it charming that the leading man couldn’t act his way out of a bag, haha.

And so, my experience with the second movie was fuckocked because that’s the one book that I actually enjoyed of the Twilight series. I’m not an “Edward in the movie” hater, but I AM an “Edward in the books” hater. Stephanie Meyer goes on and on and on and on and on about how beautiful he is. And Bella falls in love with him instantly even though he tells her he’s likely to kill her some day. It’s just kind of a bummer for me as I’ve known a lot of women who stay in twisted, dangerous relationships due to sexual attraction and a need to “protect him”. It’s gross that Stephanie Meyer chose to perpetuate that problem in a CHILDREN’S BOOK but whatever. That’s just my main problem with it.

So when, in book two, Bella starts hanging with Jacob and he like radiates light and positivity (despite being a werewolf), I was enjoying myself more. I was glad to see that she was spending time with someone who, for better or for worse, didn’t require her blood to stay alive.

But the movie didn’t really do that story justice I don’t think. I mean IDK how the story could have been told differently than it was. They did what they could but the subtlety of language comes out on top again. *Shrug*

What I *DID* like about the movie though was abs, abs abs!!! I typically live on the gay side of the bisexual fence, just because that’s where a lot of my interests lie by holy shit, did I want to touch some abs in that movie (amongst other more lascivious urges). Now, Taylor Lautner is 17. Hands in the air. BUT, damn kid! What in the hell did he do to look like this:


Oh my god.  At one point, he climbs up the wall to Bella’s house to get into her bedroom and she touches his abs.  I wanted to slap her hand away and touch them myself.  Here’s the scene.  (Screw you Bella).

Speaking of Bella, I always forget how pretty Kristen Stewart is until I see her in a movie.  I wouldn’t actually go gay for Bella but god she is gorgeous.  The whole movie I kept wishing I was a brunette with brown eyes.  Like that is the only way to BE….So pretty:

She was really pretty in this scene although *gag* she was bleeding a lot.

And finally, let’s talk about Edward.  Like Kristyn said, he looked like a ninny baby boy next to Jacob. Like a nelly schoolboy, haha. There’s one scene where he’s being held back by the Volturi that I could NOT stop staring at his abs. Here it is. I couldn’t find a better picture:

Why ya gotta be all blurry for?

Here’s a better shot though. It’s a second before he becomes all sparkly. I think now that I see the picture at home, they have painted his abs on (or at least made them more obvi). Still, damn.

Just hold your abs up to my forehead. There, thaaaat'll do it.

So in totality, it was an ai’ight movie. I don’t want my money back or anything. (Actually we used Lynn and Tommy’s gift certificates! Thanks Norton family! <3)

One last opinion that needs to fit under the fence here is Hitler's. Here's what he has to say about the whole thing. (Warning, he is NOT happy.):

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