On the Road, Day Four, MN, part two.


So we got off the highway and saw exactly what we were looking for. Not this, not really:

Pretty, pretty flowers.

We pulled up and wanted to go in here desperately (but not yet):

Museum and gift shop.

We saw these guys and could not resist doing this:

Kristyn loves a good old fashioned ass-grab anywhere she can get it.

Or this:

Proof that I will eat anything from anywhere.

And HERE is the main attraction!!!

World's Largest Jolly Green Giant!!!

I mean, wtf?! When I was a kid, I was nothing short of obsessed with the Jolly Green Giant. I thought about him a LOT. Maybe they had an epic advertising campaign but I do recall giving an awful lot of my day to thinking about him.

Kristyn and her boyfriend.

That being said, if I ever knew then that this existed, I would’ve had a tantrum the likes to which the world has never seen! I would’ve cried and told my parents they were cruel until the took me to Blue Earth, MN. (They wouldn’t have taken me to Blue Earth, MN but I still would’ve been mad, for schizzle, y’alls.)

THIS is how big he was! Here I am demonstrating the size and partying.

Turns out that how he came into being is because a local, popular radio station had a running gag about giving away cans of Jolly Green Giant Peas.

His ass as seen by Kristyn.

Things started spiraling out of control, as they do, and a gaggle of people decided that they needed a lifesize statue of the Giant RIGHT NOW, FOR REALSIES.

Someone's backside. Hint: it's not mine.

The DJ, Paul Hedburg, who started this shiz contacted the Jolly Green Giant Peeps to make sure it was okay if they made a 55 foot fiberglass statue out of their corporate symbol.

Kristyn at the bottom of the stairs to the platform.

In typical corporate fashion, they agreed so long as they had 100% creative control over it and didn’t have to spend a thin dime of their own duckets.

So rude.

Well, where there’s a will, there’s a way y’all and homeslice got 50 Grand from various sources and made that shit HAPPEN. In July of 1979, this bad boy was erected. That makes the Jolly Green Giant three months older than me. We could have gone to the Prom together is what that means. *Swoon*

Have you wondered what a giant's shadow would look like? Me neither but yet here it is.

So we twittered and we facebooked and we marvelled because this find was just too damn good.

Kristyn is definitely facebooking or twittering in this picture.

Elvira was having a titty attack of epic proportions in the car. She wasn’t hot, she wasn’t hungry, she didn’t have to go to the can, she was just all, “ARE. WE. FNG. THERE. YET. MOMS?” I mean bitch was hollering something fierce so we took her out of the car for a spin, let her throw an eyeball at the Jolly Green Giant and walk around in some grass. An elderly couple smiled at us bc really what’s not to smile about when you’re looking at two gals and a cat and while standing in the shadow of a 55 foot fiberglass statue of the Jolly Green Giant?

Elvira got stir-crazy and had to be let out of the car.

We went into the aforementioned museum/gift shop and were sorta let down. Turns out that this was the last week that it was open for the year and so they really didn’t have anything worthwhile to buy in there. They DID however, have handmade Jolly Green Giant curtains on the windows and sold Jolly Green Giant razor blades which the woman at the cashier told us she didn’t want us to buy bc “really who needs that?” (Her words.) Also, she had a map on the wall that she made us put dots where we were from. Every year they start a new one to see where everyone comes from to see the Giant. And seriously, it’s ALL FIFTY STATES. Awesome.

So when we got back in the car, we talked to my Dad for a while. He was all, “Wait, WHERE ARE YOU?!” For some reason, the Jolly Green Giant is actually behind a Dairy Queen, I shit you not. So we were a little peckish and decided to go through the DRIVE THROUGH (I know right?) and get some ice cream. When we were in the drive through though, we saw Deep-fried Cheese Curds on the menu and HAD to order them. OH MA GOD WERE THEY GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I took a little looksie at the map and realized we were only an hour away from something that took my gd breath away. So South Dakota would have to wait again because we found a shitload of awesome things to throw our eyeballs at.

Bear with me motherfudgers…

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