Been gone a while and now I’m back to blow your mind.

mebusstopOkay, I’ve been MIA for a good long time huh?  I’ve been busier than usual.  Around the end of November/December, my life turned into a shitstorm of “busy” due to the holidays/school clusterfudge that popped up.  Soo, now here I am.  I’m no less busy but I’ve been reading other people’s blogs and not participating in my own and how lazy is that so here I am.

There are a couple of things I need to address and need you to know about me.  The first is that I am a person whose dreams are actually drastically more boring than her reality.  I wish I could say that was a good thing but I’ll compare/contrast at the end of this entry and you’ll see why.  When I say that I have boring dreams, I mean it.  Like even if I’m doing something fun, it’s still boring.  Like I’ll be at a party and everyone will be having a good time and I will have lost something and have to look for it the entire time.  One time I dreamed I was at a party and Brad Pitt came up and started talking to me and while at first, I was excited, he ended up talking about some of the most dull shit I’ve ever heard in mylife.  Typically the “looking for things” thing happens constantly.  I’ll have to flip over pillows, look under beds, ransack drawers, it’s tedious and relentless.  Anyway I said that I’d give you something to compare/contrast so to this end, I’d like to share with you a couple of my dreamstate gems from this week alone:

1) I was having a dream (that I don’t remember anything about) when suddenly things took a turn for the interesting.  I walked into my bathroom and Robert Pattinson was in there.  I was surprised when I put my arms around him and he put his arms around me.  He was my boyfriend I learned and he loved me.  Cool right?  So I had it in my head that I wanted to brush my teeth.  (Wanting to brush my teeth when I can kiss Robert Pattinson would be considered ludicrous to most but I am serious about dental care.)  So I took out my toothbrush after some lighthearted bantering with Robert Pattinson, my boyfriend.  He flirtingly tells me he’d like to brush my teeth FOR me.  So, I coquettishly throw my head back and give him the brush.  He starts brushing my teeth softly at first and then suddenly…gets really into it.  He starts like lecturing me on proper dental care and the right and wrong ways to hold the brush/brush my teeth.  He started getting more and more intent about it until I was starting to get a little nervous.  Thankfully, Kristyn then woke me up by screaming, “Coleen, it’s time for breakfast!” and I woke up.

2) The very next morning, we were sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast and Kristyn was telling me about a nightmare she’d had and how scary it was to her.  I was still VERY groggy and in an attempt to console her, leaned over, patted her hand and said, “I had a dream that I was checking my account balance online.”  Haha…and I had.

3) The next night I had a nightmare that a zombie version of Danny DeVito moved into my house without consent.  He wasn’t actually a zombie but he was no Rhea Perlman, fun-loving Danny DeVito.  He was just kind of making himself at home in a very direct, no-nonsense fashion that I didn’t appreciate.

4) Last night I was having a dream that my History Professor from last semester was going to help me get my car fixed.

Compare/Contrast time

Now I’ve dreamt the above scenarios but in the past year the following things have actually taken place in my life:

1) The guy upstairs from me killed himself.  This is the SECOND time this has happened in a place that I’ve lived.

2) I had to escort Randy Jackson (yes THAT Randy Jackson from American Idol) to his seat at the GLAAD Media Awards and make sure he got his meal, his script AND to make sure he took the stage at the right time.  I  have no idea how this happened to be an episode in my life.

3) Travelled 3,000 miles to LA and the first celebrity I run into is one that I already know, is from the next town over and I’d avoid if I ran into him nearby yet found myself facing him at a restaurant on the other side of the country.

4) Just this weekend alone, I was on the Metro train in DC, minding my own business.  Suddenly the train lurched and I was propelled off of my feet, into the air and onto the laps of two unsuspecting men.  As if that weren’t embarrasing enough, something punctured the can of Diet Pepsi Max I’d squirreled away in my bag, causing it to implode all over me and both men.  So not only did I embarrass myself, I just-short-of-mortally wounded two men and then sprayed us all with a can of double-caffeine infused diet soda.  The worst part is that the can continued to empty out through my canvas bag peeing out a steady stream of cola onto the floor everywhere I went.

So, yeah.  This is my life.

What else do I need you to know about me since we’ve spoken last?  Oh I re-taught myself how to develop film.  My attempts are “varied” at best but that’s what you have to expect when you’re learning.  You shoot 36 exposures and 6 come out?  Sure!  Why not?

Also, I have come up with an excellent plan for my life that’s going to happen pretty soon.  AND I’ve kind of decided a couple of other things about my life that will RADICALLY change my day to day but I’ll tell you about those guys later.

Oh the final anecdote that I’d like to share with you is that after 11 years of on and off education at a Community College, I’m finally going to graduate with my Associate’s Degree, haha.  If that isn’t the height of stupid slacker, I don’t know what is, ahahaha…

4 thoughts on “Been gone a while and now I’m back to blow your mind.

  1. The part about the train in DC was ridiculously hilarious. I actually had quite a mental image of this whole event starting from your lil wiggies being lifted off of the floor and you being propelled in the air towards two unsuspecting gentlemen…that’s pretty awesome. Hahaha.

    In other news, did you hear about that guy that was laying in the middle of the street dying while nobody paid attention to him? That was in DC…the Friday you arrived. Of course.

    • Um, no I didn’t hear about that!!! Send me a link, wow that’s nuts! That’s kinda like the time we found a corpse/potential sleeping man and made an anonymous drunken tipoff to the Clifton Police outside of the Loop, omg!

  2. Haha I remember reading somewhere else about your celeb run-in (MySpace?)… it was G.W., right? I’d avoid him too, he and his bro were toolbags.

    Aaaanyway, I had a dream you might appreciate: I was at a chic after party with Dubya and David Bowie amongst an intimate circle of guests. It was the late 70s (I think), we were in France (I think), and they were doing a lot of coke. We were wearing fabulous slinky and sequined outfits, naturally. There was a bodyguard/bouncer dude lounging with us, dressed as a WW2 soldier, with whom Bowie got into an altercation… the soldier man had a rifle and was threatening that if Bowie didn’t stop, he was going to shoot him (I think these threats were empty). He repeated this statement in a robotic and rhythmic way, as if it were a song (I wish I remember how he said it, I would make it into a song) or poem. The soldier/bouncer man’s persistence in trying to calm the situation didn’t help and Bowie, in a coked-up rage, whipped out a pistol and shot the man dead. David Bowie, beloved glam hero, was a murderer. Turns out that Bowie, in my dreams, was good friends with young Dubya and Dubya used his Bush family power to sweep the incident under the rug, thus allowing Bowie’s career to continue, unblemished. I remember being shocked at all of this; shocked and saddened and I suddenly knew just how fucked up the world really is.

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