PATH Train Misadventures

Kristyn Path Train, originally uploaded by buberella.

On my other blog, I posed a question. I’m wondering what kinds of misadventures people have had on the PATH train (or any such subway/public transportation system). Here are a few of my own weird experiences on the PATH train that I thought I’d share, haha.

1) I have actually taken a “little naparoo” on the PATH train floor on many the occasion. Back in my “bad girl” days, sometimes we’d go to the city for a “night of clubbing” what have you and our cheap asses would get it into our little wormy heads that since drinks are expensive in the city that (obviously) means we should get blind drunk before we even leave. Naturally this only ever resulted in us buying the same amount of drinks as we would have anyway, only we were THAT much more drunker. It is in this sorry state that I’ve found myself “just taking a little nap for a second” and ending up curling up on the floor while horrified riders stare on.

2) One time me, Kristyn and Amanda got on the train in Harrison. A homeless man immediately took a shine to us and began telling us every detail of his life and asking us every detail of his life. Well he was homeless-esque. Sometimes he warbled on about his favorite tv programs and past-times but clearly he hadn’t been bathed in a while or changed his clothing so I have no idea what was going on. Regardless, he was creepily kind and LOVED us. Mainly bc we are morons who allow anybody to take advantage of our kind natures. So in a nutshell, he ended up holding Amanda’s hand for most of the duration of the ride before easing his arm around her shoulder and planting a chaste peck on her cheek. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn someday that she’d actually endured a stroke on this occasion. When we got to 9th street, we literally RAN full tilt boogie and jumped into a cab before our friend could join us (bc he was definitely threatening to).

3) I think I’ve told you guys about the mugger. One time we were on the PATH train at Journal Square and we heard all of this screaming. Me, Kristyn and this other woman were like staring on in horror. I didn’t see precisely what happened but I know that one man took something off another man and there was somewhat of a struggle. Anyway, the man who was a mugger grabbed the shit off the guy, then charged onto OUR car, marched STRAIGHT up to me and Kristyn, got in our faces and screamed, “You didn’t see SHIT!” We were like, “Nooooooooo” in meek little voices. The woman across from us had here eyeballs popped out like that woman who shows up on morning television sometimes…

4) Another time we were on our way home from a Halloween party at that guido club “The Planet” in Hoboken. I was dressed up like Princess Diana. Kristyn was a Rockabilly guy (complete with pomp and rolled up ciggs in her t-shirt) and Amanda was dressed up as 80’s but awwwful 80s. Like authentic 80s where it was unflattering. So anyway, we drank to much I guess bc on the way back, in Newport station, both Kristyn AND Amanda alternately began puking and they both for some reason did it on my actual factual bare legs.

5) Another time, also coming back from that stupid club “The Planet”, everyone was grabbing hold of those hand-strap things (that you hold so you don’t fall down while the train is moving you know?), walking up the side of the wall and then flipping over like they were on a jungle gym. They were demanding that I do it but I knew that I would NEVER be able to complete that full flip without actually killing myself. Everyone was so damn insistent (bc they totally WANTED to see me fall methinks) that I did it. Sure enough, while at the height of the flip, my weak hands let go and I fell from the very TOP of the PATH train to the floor, landing resoundingly on my back. I am pretty sure that the train must have rocked with the thunder of my landing, this is how unflatteringly and hard I hit the floor. I seriously thought I might be paralyzed and we all freaked out for a little while but didn’t move me “just in case”.

6) One time, I was on my way to work, standing on a crowded train, when the man sitting directly in front of me (who smelled distinctly of urine) began screaming at the TOP of his lungs that we were all ungrateful. He started screaming that we were lucky to be alive and to have woken up this morning. That we’re all ungrateful sons of bitches who won’t be so lucky some day and that we should all feel lucky right now. That was a harrowing experience indeed.

7) Another time, I was on the train and a man began singing songs in a strange tongue for the most part of the ride. Towards the end however, he surprised me by breaking out in a falsetto version of “Somewhere over the Rainbow” that failed to inspire, but did not fail to terrify everybody on the train.

8) There was another awesome time that a bunch of us went to the St. Patrick’s Day parade in NYC but ended up all taking turns going to the bathroom in the Manhattan Mall while we completely missed the parade. Anyway, on this fateful day, we all got drunk beyond all recognition and some confusing good times commenced. On the way home, when we pulled into the Harrison station, one of our crew (and I won’t mention who to salvage her pride but those of you who were there know) ended up somehow falling BETWEEN the car and the platform while we were disembarking. Like her one leg went straight down between the car and the platform and none of us were paying attention. Suddenly we hear this mewling and Nick and Phil raced over and dragged her out. Her St. Patrick’s Day hat fell off of her head and into the void and this is what she was most upset about. It was awesome.

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