I’m not feeling well today so I’m home sick but I did have a great weekend that I want to share anyway. I haven’t blogged in a while and since this weekend was a humdinger, I figured that posting my pictures her might be fun.
I haven’t felt like blogging lately because I don’t just want to blog about my day to day life. I don’t want to just sit down and blurt out everything that’s happened to me over the past whatever amount of time it’s been since the last time I wrote.
I need to come up with a plan that’s as fun to write as it might be for anyone else to read. Coming soon to a blog near you. See ya in two years!
P.S. I called this post “Lucy and Ethel” because I just binge-watched every episode of I Love Lucy that was in Hulu. They don’t have every episode so I’m going to start over with the DVD collection and fill in the gaps.
Pals, I’m feeling a bit better. I had a decent week. I think I’m through brooding (for now). The weather is lightening up too. It’s been springlike the last few days and that always makes me feel better. Maybe I have Seasonal Affective Disorder; who knows.
On Saturday, we lazed about all day and then took Shirley to the dog park in Lyndhurst. It was heaven to watch her run around with all the other doggies. It was so nice out too. When she started getting tired, we took her to the pet store to pick up some cat and dog food. We also bought her two Nylabones; one that is purple and shaped like an ice cream cone and the other one that looks like a pork chop. Then we went to the hardware store next door and bought a shovel and an overflow plate for the tub. Kristyn’s YouTubing her way to becoming a first rate plumber. THEN we did a weird thing. Because I wanted to stay out but in the car (because it was supposed to rain), I suggested that we go through the Burger King drive-thru so we could eat fries and feed the birdies that hang there. It started to pour while we were sitting there and it was so nice in the car that we laid back and took a nap. Did I mention that we were just around the corner from our own house? Haha. It was fun. When we got home, we drank blush champagne and watched a documentary about the Loving family. Then we started watching 4 Little Girls and I fell asleep against my own will.
Today, I was supposed to go to an open house for an MA program I’m interested in but I got the times mixed up and ended up staying home. It’s nice though because Kristyn’s parents stopped over and brought us rolls from Brother’s. I’ve been watching I Love Lucy all day which is fun. I think I’m going to draw or sew today and then watch the Oscars tonight.
Pals. I feel stuck. Impotent. Frustrated. Let down. Deflated. Uninspired. Without a goal. I’ve had a setback and I honestly 100% do not know what to do. I am always looking at the future and trying to think of where I want to go but right now it’s in overdrive. Ugh, I’m so impotent right now that I don’t even know what I want to say about this. I’m writing this as catharsis and I feel like I can’t spit out what I want to say.
I have a sticker that says “Be the Leslie Knope of Whatever You Do” on my laptop. It’s a daily reminder to me to care, to do, to perfect, to systematize, to be a force of good. I’ve recently been re-watching Parks and Rec and have been really inspired by Leslie. That inspiration has been completely deflated and I don’t know what to do.
I’m sorry for posting such a bummer post but it is what it is.
I think that my focus has been all wrong. I think that maybe I’ve forgotten that friends and waffles are what’s important in life and that “work has to come third”.
That Man fired US Acting Attorney General Sally Q. Yates today because she made a public statement about the “travel ban” aka Muslim ban:
“At present, I am not convinced that the defense of the Executive Order is consistent with these responsibilities nor am I convinced that the Executive Order is lawful,” Yates wrote. She wrote that “for as long as I am the Acting Attorney General, the Department of Justice will not present arguments in defense of the Executive Order, unless and until I become convinced that it is appropriate to do so.”
For posterity (because I know I’ll forget), this past Friday, he wrote an executive order banning people from Iraq, Iran, Libya, Somalia, Sudan, Syria, and Yemen from entering the country (even if they have green cards or are dual citizens). The Acting Attorney General wrote the above statement to the Justice Department in order to tell them that they didn’t have to defend the order.
Pals, I feel very frustrated. I think a lot of people do. Too many things are happening way too fast for anyone to keep track of. I have been thinking that I am going to start keeping track of what’s going on in the world. I’m going to start keeping track of what I’m doing to combat it and what I’m NOT doing. I’m going to start keeping track of ways that other people can help the world. I am learning that I am a visual thinker and in order for me to keep track of things, I need to be able to see them. Although this has always been a personal blog, and will remain one, I think that doing this will make me feel a lot better. I always feel better with a plan; even if I stray from the plan.
Also, here are some pictures of us at the Women’s March in DC last weekend:
We’ve been having a few good/weird weeks. The above picture is us on Thanksgiving before we were going to go home. On that particular day, someone in my town created a petition to change our town’s holiday tree lighting to the “Christmas Tree Lighting”. It was some petty “War on Christmas” crap and it irked me so I created a counter-petition using their exact words. Holy crap that started a town wide FB fight that lasted two full weeks but a few good things came out of it:
1) We attended the tree lighting and it was beautiful! I’m so glad we went. They had kids from the schools singing, dancers, a talent contest, and then a little street fair. I’m going to go every year from now on! Meanwhile, the original petitioner or her cronies didn’t even go.
2) We ended up going to the Town Hall Meeting after the event and addressing the Mayor and Town Council to ask whether or not a petition could change the tree lighting even to favor one religion over another. The answer is no. The reason it’s called a “Holiday Tree Lighting” or “Town Tree Lighting” is because the tree is considered a secular symbol, then there’s a manger, and a menorah. We’d been meaning to start attending Town Hall Meetings anyway so this whole thing actually is making me a better citizen!
Also, we went to go see White Christmas in Montclair last weekend on the big screen. It was gorgeous. God, I love that movie. I think I might love Holiday Inn better (except that scene, you know which one).
This weekend we kept a pretty low profile. We ran some errands and today Kristyn went over her brother’s house. I’m doing things around the house this weekend. I’m decorating, cleaning, and cooking. It snowed for the first legit time today. I also made weird pumpkin, peanut butter, dark chocolate cookies. They’re good in a really weird way. I also finally did Curvy Yoga! It felt so good. I had better GTFO. There’s a lot to do before this day is out.
Also, I’m going to start updating more here. I have just been very very sidelined. As per usual, I’m giving myself too many projects. I wrote them all out and I’m flabbergasted with my own optimism.
I think we’ve been being way too precious about our time. Because we’re busy, we tend to feel like we need a lot of time at home to “rest” or that our only way to be “productive” is to be at home. This leaves us feeling frustrated and stagnant a lot of the time. This weekend, we were pretty busy and it felt good. On Saturday, Kristyn did an interview, stopped by a party, and picked me up so we could go out. We went to dinner at The Stack, then to see Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, bought some champagne, and then watched the fourth Harry Potter movie. Busy day!
It felt really great to get out of the house and do stuff. If we’d made a big deal out of going to the movies or like “planned” to go to the movies, we would have dragged our feet all day long and wouldn’t have gone. Instead, we just said, “Do you wanna go?” and went. We have problems. Life should be simpler for two adults with no kids haha.
This morning, I wasn’t sure if I was going to go to the New School’s Grad Expo or not. Both Kristyn and I happened to fully wake up at like 6am though so we figured that we might as well just do it. We got ready, went to Bagel Bistro to have onion bagels with scallion cream cheese, and then drove into the city. We got street parking which was nice. It was absolutely frigid outside; so windy and downright cold. It was surprising.
I’m glad we went. The day was inspiring and showed me that it’s the kind of place that would be in line with what I’m looking for. I’m stunned by how beautiful the school is. I have a lot of thinking to do about it. While I was paying attention in this seminar, Kristyn wrote a proposal for Queer Newark. Win win.
After that, we went to eat at Umami Burger and had portobello mushroom sandwiches and truffle fries. We came home and I intended to go right back out again but instead I fell asleep for three hours. While I was napping, Kristyn wrote a personal statement for a college application. Win win.
After we got up, we ate dinner and then drove to Whole Foods in West Orange. We make an annual pilgrimage to that Whole Foods because we need to pick up a Tofurkey and mushroom gravy. We always end up buying a ton of weird stuff we don’t need but seems entirely relevant at the time when we’re there. For example: I bought three bars of organic, vegan soap (two almond and one eucalyptus), a bottle of essential oils (Himalayan musk), organic shampoo, conditioner, and body lotion (Meyer Lemon scented), gluten-free cookies (peanut butter ones and ginger ones), two cases of La Croix (coconut and lemon), and a bunch of other decadent things we did not need but hurt so good when it came time to pay. Oh also, Kristyn bought a llama stuffed animal that she is naming “Meemaw”. We do have our fun.
Pals, Kristyn and I have a pretty great life. We both do work that stimulates us, we are able to go participate in things that interest and excite us, we have interests, our curiosity, our health, some friends, our pets, and tons of books. HOWEVER, my brain is in a constant cyclone of confusion, anxiety, worry, and hope.
I’m confused by this election. I’ve been trying to keep away from the media too much because I absolutely drowned myself in it prior to the election and it really burned us all. I am also finding it disheartening to find all the horrible things that our President-Elect “That Man” is already doing; hiring white supremacists, misogynists, homophobes, anarchists, HIS IMMEDIATE FAMILY, and rabble rousers to be in his transitional committee. Okay so I have been paying attention because I’m really mad and scared but I won’t turn on MSNBC or CNN right now because I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear them on an endless cycle babbling about how every little thing is BREAKING NEWS and farting into my earholes about That Man. If the rest of the country can be ignorant, I too, can take a couple of weeks off to live my life. Ignorance is bliss they say? Let me try it out.
I’m anxious about our future. Partially because of the election. Largely because I’m always anxious about mine and our future. An interesting thing that I’ve learned in the last two weeks is that I’m surprised to find how comfortable and hopeful I was before. What a startling realization to understand that we were living in a cocoon and we legitimately thought that cocoon was going to go on forever. It’s weird to feel this seismic shift underneath me that we might not be alright after this. I’m, as always, thinking about grad school and if I want to do it and what I might do if I did and where would I go and what would it cost and how would it benefit me, etc. I keep going in different directions with it and I’m not sure what is the most “me” direction to go in so I buy classes to take online but then I forget about them and don’t do them. See above: confusion.
I am worried that people are going to stop caring soon. I think that the “can’t everyone just stop with all the negativity” Facebook people have finally quieted down after hearing a resounding “NO” from all of us. They’ve probably just hidden us but whatever. If they’ve done that though, they don’t care to learn and THAT is scary. I think we’re ALL just stressed out over this election and have all been in that state of high stress for 16 months. It’s been a LONG slog.
I am hopeful that this long national conversation we’re having will lead to change. Maybe if Hillary had been elected, THEY would be the ones organizing and instead we are. Maybe this constant conversation about civil rights that we’re having will open people’s minds. (I’m aware of my naïveté right now but I NEEDS IT RIGHT NOW.) When That Man was elected, I wanted to lay down and die. Now I don’t feel like that. I feel more connected to people than I did before the election. I know that I can’t just hide out in a bubble by myself and figure it all out on my own. I need to go out and connect with humanity. In fact, I helped to organize an LGBT party in NY this week. It was a gathering of the LGBTQ pride organizations in a few of the big tech companies and 85 people showed up which is unprecedented. Everyone had fun and I’m so glad that we did it. Here is a picture of me and Kristyn at the event:
The rest of the pictures that I took are pretty low quality and dark so I won’t torture you with them here but rest assured that That Man’s constituents would be apoplectic to see so many “East Coast Liberal Elites” in one room together. Kristyn will punch me in the face for saying “East Cost Liberal Elites” in this paragraph because she loathes that phrase. I keep using it because it makes me chortle that even Bernie Sanders would say that we are “East Coast Liberal Elites” and not working class. Ugh. Anyway, that was a thrill in a two week solid block of fuckery.
I don’t know what I’m going to do with my weekend and it’s 10:30 am on Saturday. The things I’d love to accomplish this weekend are: going to the Montclair Museum, going grocery shopping, cleaning up this dump, and attending the New School’s MA Open House. Will she do any of them? Likely yes but not likely all of them. She’s hoping that she can surprise herself. Yes, she has slipped into the third person. She’s slowly going mad so it’s to be expected.
Okay, have a great day, pals!
In the past week, I have watched four seasons of Snooki & JWoww. It’s been the only thing keeping me sane.
In October, the internet burped up a video of Snooki (Nicole) surprising JWoww (Jenni) with the fact that she got a boob job. I almost didn’t click on the video but curiosity and an old fondness made me do it.
Unlike a lot of other people from New Jersey, I unabashedly loved watching the Jersey Shore. We were in California when the show began to air so it was nice to home from across the country. I grew up going to Seaside every summer and it was the highlight of my year. I have always loved people watching down there, too, so watching this show was just another version of that.
Anyway, when I watched the clip, I was struck by a few things: the hypnotic, calming quality of watching them interact, and their comfortable friendship. The weekend before the election, I was a nervous wreck and needed something to distract me from the constant political commentary that I was subjecting myself to via the internet, MSNBC, and CNN. I remembered Snooki and JWoww and noticed that they had a show on Hulu. I put it on.
Pals, I got sucked in immediately. They just love each other so much. The show is clearly manufactured non-drama but it’s not common for TV to show such strong, genuine, supportive, non-competitive female friendships.
On the Wednesday after the election, I worked from home. I worked from 8:30am to 10pm and I watched it the entire time to self-soothe. Since then, I come home from work, read horrifying things on the internet and put it on to avoid reality.
I’ve seen things in this last week that are unforgivable posted by people I thought were my friends and allies. People telling us to be quiet in our fear. People being blatantly dismissive of our concerns and ridiculing our grief. People engaging in respectability politics and calling us disrespectful for not immediately falling in line with their vision of America. I’m embarrassed for these people. If they could see themselves through my eyes, they’d be horrified.
I’m watching it now so that I don’t tell someone in particular off. It’s the internet version of sitting on my hands and zipping my lips. I also wanted to pay homage to Nicole and Jenni for getting me through this difficult time. They are an important part of my story (LOLercopter). Thanks pals!